Aishwarya Rai - *Respect*

I never needed a specific reason to hate this lady named Aishwarya Rai all through her career, or rather, right from i started hearing about her. Being called as the most beautiful lady by most of the Indians, the ex of Salman Khan, every other guy comparing every other gal he comes across with this lady... the reasons to hate her are umpteen and countless.

"Who do you think you are? Aishwarya Rai?" or "Oh.. My dream gal should resemble Aish" were more than enough to piss me off. And  above all, the chaos regarding Sallu, arrey being a Sallu fan that's far more than one can take ;)

For her beauty, her figure, her husband on whom I used to drool over years back, and the kissing scene with Hrithik Roshan ;) everything had just made me do nothing but hate her! Call that jealousy, but whatever it be, it always hurts to hear this one name wherever you go.

Hence, for the past 18+ years, I'd been, without taking a single break, hating her... until she became a mother. Motherhood, as we all know is one of the best places any woman would love to be, and respecting that is the best thing one can do. Where a majority of the women these days drop the plan of being a mother only to preserve their beauty and figure! Be it a model,  actress or even an ordinary house wife! Wonder what they gonna do with this not-gonna-help-you-ever figure! They might have million reasons to justify themselves, like how kids dump their parents at some oldage home and all that agony, but then, being a parent; being a MOTHER is something which cannot be explained until you become one.

So, among all those hot chicks this lady managed to get a life and  a kid of her own. Unfortunately she lost her looks and figure which she might retain pretty soon, but that didnt stop her from being what she used to be.

Her recent visit to the Cannes might have shocked some, while others made fun of her. But for me, that was one awesome thing she did! Instead of sitting at home, worrying about her figure, she had the guts to come in front of the public! And those who are still making fun of her, well, does she really care about what you are doing out there?

Now, she gained all my respect and Aishwarya Rai is the second beautiful lady in this whole planet, next to my mother :-)

PS: To all  those who consider beauty is everything, let this be a lesson - beauty is just an external mask and can fade anytime. It lies on the eyes of the beholder and determines who n what the beholder is. So hold your tongue, stop making fun, not just this lady but everyone else who you think is not beautiful!  This can happen to anyone -  one who's beauty you worship, can be next! 

Trust once broken...

I know this post is gonna be something very serious,emotional,crappy n pathetic... But still cant really help  myself from posting it.

Trust like people say, is more like a vase. Once broken, cannot be fixed. But then, you still take umpteen chances hoping that someone would come across who would catch that vase and help it from falling down n break into pieces.

You'd often be proved wrong. you might come across someone who'd be your "best friend", very protective, who cares alot and falls for you making you fall  for him/her, and once you get serious in that relationship you'd realise that the person was faking everything, eventually leaving you with a broken heart.

Or you might meet someone who again will be protective, cares a lot, will always be there, promises not to leave whatever the situation be and gives you false hopes... and  when you start throwing your tantrums which's ultimately the result of the recent heart break, they'd leave proving your hopes were wrong. you have that broken trust grinning at you here too..

Or you'd meet someone who listens to all your sorrows n miseries and changes all of a sudden when they find some chic.. now you'd no more be important nor your sorrows. Again that grin flashed by the broken trust.... Or there would be someone who would make you feel so special, keep saying it, and all those PDA's from the other side make you feel that they're true, but disappears once they find someone new or proves you wrong one fine day... you'd be their best friend, only when you are around, and when you are not, you are one big timee pain in the ass...  you'd realise they were using you for no good  reason. *Again that grin !*

And finally someone who'd come to your life, tell you, you are that person they were looking  for, but the very next day, everything changes, and  the day after they disappear....

All these cases  prove that  you are a fool to believe them... If your trust was broken once, dont taake chances... no one's worth it.. and infact everyone who comes up with those cheesy, "you are special", "i'll be there for you always" taglines are not worthy to be trusted.  Human beings as a whole suck big time, so choose dogs.. they are better anyday!

The unfavorable luck !!

Rakesh Anand Photography

Sometimes words are not enough to express how you'd feel seeing someone else's life.. We think we are the ones with all those problems which doesnt really have a solution, and  that there's no point living. But then, when we look around and take the pain to know what others' life is all about, we realise that we are blessed, as the issues that we were cribbing about is nothing compared to theirs. I've been there once, those days when I was craving to be a film maker, and my friends who had dreamt about the same was a step or two ahead and I'd reached no where, made me feel like a loser. That was when I met this person who made me realise so many things.

That was a usual day, I was out there on the streets of Kochi, with my new companion, my camera, clicking everything that satisfied my soul. My first step to progress - observing and clicking. Nothing really reminded me, and I was happy.  I was walking down the streets, stopping here and there, clicking all that worth it and my friends accompanying me as always. i stopped somewhere, focused on clicking something and suddenly someone patted on my shoulder. Losing my concentration, I turned around with an annoyed expression. I saw a man, almost of my grandfather's age, who looked tired and lost, standing right beside. I gave him the irritated " what??" look.

He told me, "Hello, I  know I'm disturbing you, but why I called for you is that, I need to go to Kaloor and I've got no single penny to catch the bus. I'm pretty tired to walk all the way down to that place. It would have been great if you could help me. I need just 6 rupees".

 I was wondering what's it all about, he didnt look like a beggar in any angle, but what he just did was nothing less than that. But as usual, my pocket was empty. But something, my inner conscience may  be, told me i should help him.  I asked my friend to give him 10 rupees and as soon as my friend did, that man fell  right down to his feet!

We all  were shocked.

I suddenly pulled him back, and asked him not to do this with anyone,ever. He'd be around thrice my  age,and doing something like this would only embarass me. He started talking, "Do you know one thing kid? When you are in trouble, whoever takes the pain to help you is your GOD. And showing gratitude is not a crime."

"But not this way.."

I paused... "can I click a  picture of yours"? He was okay with it and i clicked.

What aperture value did you set while capturing this frame?

I was stunned!

f1.8. it's getting dark  so i thought... before  i  could complete it he interrupted.

You kids would not understand my relationship with camera. which one are you using?

Canon 5 D.

"Hmmm....Well, i hardly know anything about these digital cameras. My world was all about Rolleiflex,Hasselblad and leica".

He then talked about the Arri Camera family its nomenclature, Lenses without pausing.

I could see a spark in his eyes  while explaining this, and my surprise had no boundaries.

"Uncle, you know a lot about cameras. That too about things we are ignorant about.. what are you?"

That spark disappeared all  of a sudden and he went mum. After a while i told us  his story.

And it goes like this. Mr. V.R. Shekhar, that's his name. He once was a screenwriter in the malayalam movie  industry and used to assist maestros Padmarajan n Bharathan - the two names that would bring goosebumps to any movie maniac.

Are we thinking about the same thing? I guess, yes! assistant to master minds and he's literally begging on the streets? That's were luck comes in.

Talent is not always the only thing that decides someone's fate. Its all about luck sometimes. No matter how talented you are, or how much  you've worked to achieve something,  if luck doesnt favor you, you are done!

An accident changed his whole life and fate. He got half paralysed and he had to quit the industry and the only job that he knew. His wife passed away years back and the only son he  has got, the only hope he had, a guy whose around 26 years of age doesnt even give a damn  about his own father. Has he ever realised, the person he trashed, if at all  had luck by his side, might have made him proud? But unfortunately that father's luck was on the wrong side and hence he had to beg to get going.

He left to his destination and we to ours. But those moments were captured inside my memory and i couldnt really get over it.

Unlike people who we call "beggars", who had made it a career, who would give you a tough look which  would say, "i can give you tons like this back" when you give them a 10 rupee note... this person was actually begging 'cause he was helpless.

If that one accident hadnt  happened, he might have been one of those directors I'd have been looking forward to. But fate had something else in store and he had to beg to make his living! The minutes i spent with him, the experiences he shared and his story gave me thousand lessons. You are all alone in this world and will always be. You would never know what's in store for you. Just do your part, expect nothing  and keep moving. If you are destined to be successful, you'll be. If not,  you are unlucky!

And that moment brought a smile on my face, thinking how lucky I'm! I'm perfectly fit, I've talent, I've got time..... All i gotta do is do my part perfect, rest is upto my luck! And whatever it be, am okay with it...

I started walking, the nature called me to click its  beauty and  portray it as the most beautiful thing on earth.

Some midnight cribbing

Sometimes all you need is someone who could listen to all your cribbing and whining, share the pinch  of happiness and bucket full  of sorrows and still wouldn't complain or call you pain in the ass... and the search would make you choose wrong people to share it with and everyone you give that task to would make you believe that you are actually  a big time pain in the ass... they'd all treat you the same way, make fun of you and show their sarcasm. Hardly would they know that, of all the friends that you've, a ton of them, you chose this particular person as the listener when you play the listener part in others' life. That moment actually gives you uncontrollable pain as you would feel like you are alone forever! And even if someone offer a hand to share that mess you've been going through, be it null in real but a bulk for you, you'd deny to accept it as you  are afraid you'll be insulted all over again.

This particular forever alone tag keeps pricking you and you'd be like "why me, always?" but still you'know, you've gone through crap stinkier than this and had gotten over it,  you were alive even before meeting that particular person whom you had dared to share your life with, and that would mean you can still live without this person in particular though there will be a scar left which would rather be helpful for future reference.

And as you keep whining that you are all alone, someone enters to break the whole silence, and to your surprise you'll not be able to take that change, You'd  realise, you've already started loving this loneliness which to you is now solitude.. for loneliness and solitude are two terms with entirely different meaning. Loneliness is something which  others imposed on you and solitude is what you choose. Loneliness suffocates you while solitude is bliss.. And when someone tries to take you out from that solitude you'd even start hating that person.

In short, Loneliness & solitude are two different aspects, where the former screws your happiness and the later gives you peace of mind !!  And that peace of mind is something you would not wanna lose until you find something or someone worth tripping for ;)

Another open letter, this time for gals :D

Well, gals do make me wonder too.. there are certain things gals dont really realise:

• When a guy says busy, he's actually busy.
• When he doesn't pick your call, that would  mean he didnt really see it coming, doesnt mean he's avoiding you or on the extreme, he's dead.
• Thinking  too much  would not bring any joy... 
• If one guy made a mistake or rather cheated on you, doesn't really mean that every guy out there would do the same.
• If you are not sure about how the relation's gonna turn out, why wasting his time?
• If he didnt wish you on your b'day/anniversary, that would mean there are million other things running inside his head...
• When he says he wants to be alone, he actually wants to. Stop irritating him.
• Raj might fly down to India from London for Simran, Surya might get a visiting visa to woo Meghna, Karthik might travel all the way down to Kerala to convince Jessie, but they are all in movies for heaven sake!
• When he says you are irritating him, he means it, so stop doing that!
• Dont expect a guy to be perfect, he cannot be.
• When he says he'll call you,  hell do that.. stop calling him every now and then.
• He cannot be sweet to you,  always...
• Your ex is an  ex... he has got nothing to do with your present.
• He cant kill his friends just coz you want  him to be with you always.
• You can be possessive,  but stop eating his head.
• There's more to life than just love and romance (Yeah, resembles FWD ka tagline :P) 
• He said he loves kids, that doesnt mean that he wants to get married right away and have kids!
• Inviting you to his place,  not always mean  that his intentions arent clear.
• Even he's got expectations.
• Stop making him feel that "ban gaya kuttha"
• Give him a break, let him breathe!
• If he's an a**hole, what are you then?

PS: Aaah, i know what you wanna tell me.. Moron, this is my set of self realization, so dont dare to question me :P

PPS : Since am not ready for an argument, here it is for you gals  to  be  happy :D  ;)

http://beingdevi.blogspot.in/2012/03/open-letter-to-guys-out-there.html

An open letter to the guys out there

To all the guys out there,

You always make me wonder when you say something n do something else.

• You would protect your mother and sister, kick the butt of the guys flirting with your gal, and you.. you keep flirting with other gals though you've one booked all for yourself.
• You call a gal "feminist" when she tries to protect herself and the whole womanhood the best way she can. 
• You would say, you are free to anything, you give gals their space, but if she dare ot usse F word, oh man! that's the end of the world.
• You flirt with umpteen gals, add trillion strangers via Facebook, and if a gal does that, she's a slut!
• You drink, you smoke, but if a gal does the same, you question her morals.
• You can say whatever you want anywhere you want, but gals cannot! 

All these in general is what you call chauvinism.

• You want your gal to pick your call whenever you wanna talk, but if she calls you whenever she wants, she's irritating you.
• You can be on call-waiting even in the middle of the night, but hers can't be.
• You hate it when a guy asks for dowry in terms of marrying your sister, but you can ask for crores, in your case.
• You can be friends with n number of gals, for its just friendship, but your gal cannot have a guy friend!
• You like gals who are bubbly, outgoing, fun loving, tom boyish, but when it comes to marriage, you want someone who's silent, obedient and all that.
• You would love to marry a virgin, but, the more "experienced" you are the awesomest its gonna be.
• Your circumstances would stop you from marrying her, but if her parents say "No" and she backs out she's one hell of a bitch!
• When you want her to listen, she should, when she wants you to do the same, she's trying to dominate you.
• When she cries, that would mean she's actually sad... respect it.
• When she wants to talk, listen,.. atleast act as if you r.
• If you want to be with someone else, just let her know. She doesnt have sixth sense, nor would she like it when you do two/three/four timings.
• Sex and making love has got different meanings in her dictionary. respect it.
• Gals getting molested depends on the way they dress up, not coz you are perverted. 
• Every gal is not like your ex.
• ATTITUDE is something copyrighted to the male society.
• You can argue, even without knowing the truth, but she can't..
• Freedom of expression, is again something copyrighted to you.
• You dont really care about looks, only "character" matters, but look at your GF, she's one pretty doll! 
• If you are not ready to be in a relationship, why the heck are you giving her false hopes?
• If she can remember all the important dates even though she's busy just like you, why cant you do the same?
• Dont expect her to be the gal of your dreams, she's not perfect, just like you.
• She spends half of her time thinking about you, the least you can do is acknowledge it.
• If you really find her irritating, just ask her to leave rather than avoiding her. 
• She's emotional, way  too infact. but have you realised it's just to you and not to others?
• If she's a bitch, what should we call you then?

PS : Not a general perception. There are guys who actually respect gals. Cheers to them :)

PPS : Pun intended. But still if it offended you, i dont really give a damn! :D

PPPS : Since am not ready  for an argument,  here it is, for you guys to be happy ;)

http://beingdevi.blogspot.in/2012/03/another-open-letter-this-time-for-gals.html

The moment again when I blabber :D

There will be that moment in your life where you feel like life is not giving you what you are worth, you are not getting what you deserve, your  life is totally a messed up one and you are forced to live that life which you never wanted to have. And then, one fine morning you get to meet that one person, in the weirdest way, who was actually destined to turn your world  upside down .They would give you everything you have been waiting for, gain all your respect, and will be there, may be forever or sometimes, like what people say- to teach you a lesson or to guide to do something.  But whatever it be, they make you feel like asking them, " where the heck were you all these years?" Again, there might be chances for them to leave, coz they were in your life for some purpose, and their role might be too short, but they would definitely leave a footprint and  those memories which  cannot be erased  from your memory, ever...

I've been there, couple of times,  but mostly been with the wrong ones..  But they did teach me one lesson or the other, but ultimately, what I learnt was, to live your life the way it has to be, no matter what! They might have been too good to you, or sometimes bad, real bad or rude... But it all had a  reason, and that reason at the end  of the day,  will be for good! :-)

New girl in the city ! ;)

The day I decided to try my luck all over again in writing and relocate to Cochin, a friend of mine used this  "New girl in the city" relating me to Aisha and himself to Sid! (Wake up Sid) LOL... though i found it funny, I smiled at him for the excitement i had cannot be explained. And then, here i'm with all my dreams n hopes wrapped up all over again to start  over new.

The city, is not new to me,  nor am I to it. But then, it was indeed joyful that I'm finally back to the place where I longed to be. But fate had something else in store! All those misfortunes that happened right away I landed did shock me, and am yet to get over them.

Now, when I look back, the dreams i had - a better life, an awesome workplace, patching up with all of them n clear all the misunderstandings and finally achieving what I always wanted.... everything had fallen apart.... Instead a lost a bit more of what I actually had. took a  while to accept what the reality is, but then, when I look at me right now, i find a changed person - someone's who's bold, brave and ready to face anything with noone's help, living alone, eating alone, walking alone, and sometimes laughing alone. Was tough in the beginning but now, all is well :)

Its all about accepting the reality than living in the virtual world , which I did, finally! You dont have a friend, unless you please them every now n then, you dont have love unless you adjust with whatever they say and you dont have a life unless you are up to stand on your own feet !! That's definitely some piece of information, wasnt it? ;)

Now, when i walk alone,all alone on evenings at random time, may b early, may  be a bit too late -  with my  backpack on my shoulders that's been hurting me since i dunno when, and my earphones on playing party songs sometimes, romantic music  sometimes, blues sometimes and dappankoothu sometimes, without caring about my mood or what I'm going through and eventually music remains as music and not a mood changer - walking all the way through those streets and lanes which i used to cross years ago with hope in my eyes... those streets mean nothing to my right now, and i can feel myself stepping on the broken pieces of my shattered dreams, still i dont feel a thing!

That feeling of  left alone of deserted has left me way back, coz now i know, not just me, all are always alone and the biggest lie ever is  "I'll be there, forever" .. am over it, too! And in short, this life, lonely life as you can call it ,which i would mention as solitude - for solitude and loneliness are two different terms of which former is what we choose and the latter what others impose on us... I'm loving this, from being somenoe who used to depend on peopel for everything, who feared the world for nothing, who was never cofident of herself, who couldnt handle her life on her own... to someone who could live her life all alone, live it the way she wants with no one to interfere, not fearing anyone.  and being herself..! WHOA!!

And unlike Aisha, i haven't gotten any Sid yet, but still happy :) Life never is like cinema, it's different and unexpected. take it or  leave it - upto the one who lives it. i dont have a plan to leave it until someone steals it from me. I'll live it, the way i want it... and i know that would never make my parents bow their head in shame, instead  hold their heads up with pride!

PS: When i started this particular post a month's back, never did i have a clue that it would end up like this. Chalo, another good-for-nothing post on the blog :) 

What PDA mean to me ;)

PDA – Public Display of Affection is not a ‘bad’ thing as many perverted minds portray it to be. Hugging a friend who you meet after quite a long time, cuddling with your sibling, your man/woman or even a friend again has its own significance, atleast to me. But then, tooooooo much of whatever is just too much! Well, blah! Let me explain!

Take Facebook for instance. All of us literally live in that virtual world and PDA has a major role in there. You’ve your GF/BF miles away from you, you wanna talk to them. Alryt, go ahead, you have chat! Okay, the other person’s not available? Why don’t you just send in a message? No! You wouldn’t do that! You want the rest of the world know how much you “love” each other!

BF: Hey babe, Miss you <3 :="" o:p="">

And the reply : Miss you tooo.. Come back soon.. xoxoxoxoxoxox

Can’t live/breathe/eat/drink/pee without you!

Really? So have you hired someone else to do all that?

Now in between, comes another reply : Miss you three, four, five….

This wouldn’t really be from your GF. That would be from a friend’s friend of your GF who’s connected through Facebook ! And you call them Kabab mein haddi ! Hello this is a public forum darling, If you want no one to disturb you, stop using public forums then. All these, if once in a while can be forgiven, but if you keep doing this every now and then, well, we are born to disturb you! : - )

2 weeks/months/years later you’ll find the same person sending the same to another boy/girl – His/her "true love" ;-)

Hey munchkin, Miss you soooo much ! xoxoxoxoxoxox

And you think we are all dumb! :D

Now another category - PDA in real world. Now, they are born to disturb US!  The poor, harmless “single” guys & gals ! :-/

You find them almost everywhere – parties, malls, beaches and even on buses, trains and flights! 

They are basically of 4 types  :

• Attention seekers - you know who they are! All they want is attention, in any form!
• Newly married/going out couples - You know, how relationships work . Love's in the air, all izz well.. Cant be away from each other..blah blah blah
• Sluts who want to attract customers :P :P
• And finally someone else's husband with someone  else's wife! for,  if she  was actually your wife, i wonder why you would show so much love in public :P or you are anyway gonna get a room! so your things wont b in public! 

All of them, their basic intention is to make others jealous of their love! :P

Bitches & brats, you just did! x-( and the guy who's watching you just had  a virtual orgasm !

Well, "affection" and orgasm? That's where my whole point is. Shouldnt it be renamed to something like Public display of Adult content? If you are so keen on disturbing others, why dont you just do it in public? Let us have a real orgasm! 

If not, Get a room guys! Why giving poor souls sleepless nights! :/

For me, PDA is PDA if it is treated that way !! PDA never has adult content, PDA never makes someone orgasmic. PDA should be like salt, just a pinch to taste! 

PS : Purely out of frustration! Seeing all the crap that couple had to do right beside me in train!! Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! x-(

3 years later....

I was rushing to get into the cafe when my phone started ringing... I knew it was him...

Hey, I'm almost there.

Oh great... I just called up to confirm whether u r coming or not..See you soon then!

Huh..what? He reached early and waiting for me? For the first time ever since i knew him!

I opened the door, got into the cafe and looked over. 

Hey!

It was him... from the right corner... he managed to get the same old table i guess.. Well, now what was that for? 

Hey.... you reached early?

I pulled out a chair n took my seat..

Yeah... was quite free today, so i just.... anyways, u hated to wait, didn't you? so thought I'd take the pain to reach early at least this time.. , he winked.

I gave a frown smile... 'got caught up with something at the last moment...sorry!'

Hey! that's absolutely OK !

I gave that brisk smile again. I looked here and there and finally our eyes met. The music from the cafe started fading and i couldn't stand that feeling going through me. I found myself losing it all over again. Suddenly, I took my eyes off from him, pulled out the menu card and stared on it.

I could sense the music playing in the cafe all over again and things suddenly fell in place. It takes only a moment to lose your senses, and to get it back is quite a tough task. Anyhow, i could get a grip on myself this time.

So what ya up to these days, Indu? he broke the silence between us.

Well, same old thing - writing, chose copy and working for an ad agency for the past 2 years. Wat's up with you?

Wow.. that's sounds great. You always wanted to be a writer, didn't you? happy for you... I'm with my dad now... looking after his new business here.

Yeah ! Writing was always my passion... have not dropped my plans on the novel too !

That's interesting.Chal, let's order something..what would you like to have? Cold coffee?

Yeah..

And i started staring at all the art, paintings,cushions, curtains and everything the cafe had. I knew he was, instead staring at me, but i didn't want to start some conversation that would break the calm i had maintained inside me.

He started  a conversation to break the silence and the awkwardness that sustained between us. he came up with all the casual topics, like family, friends, what they were up to and all that. We, anyway, hadn't come to the cafe to talk - not to stare at the walls! He kept on talking about his work, the life he had... he tried to portray himself as someone new, but i could see the same old Karthik i knew - childish, impractical, sensitive, romantic Karthik i adored more than anything.

I was about to take the last sip of my coffee when he asked me.. 'Indu, shall we go for a walk, if you don't mind?'

'Errrr.. well, I'm getting late... I've plans with some friends'

He looked into my eyes.. I understood, he knew that i was lying. I looked down and kept silent.

Please....?

'Hmmm...', i checked my watch, 'well.. okay...'

He paid the bills even though i insisted I'd pay. Call it ego than formality...

We started  walking along the streets near the cafe. Memories flowed back like an agitated river - the street side benches where we used to spent our evenings, the art gallery, the restaurant on the other side of the road... everything made me nostalgic and made me realize how much i missed the guy walking along with me all these years! He was silent too, and i knew, he was feeling the same too.

So, are you....seeing someone?

 I asked him... i was curious,  i just wanted to know whether the thought i had just now wasn't wrong.

Nope... single - that's what my Face book relationship status says for the past 3 years.! he winked.

But, why?

'Certain questions don't really have an answer nor are they sensible,  to the person who has to answer at least.... Especially when the one who shoots it absolutely knows what the reason is !'

I was transfixed. I didn't know what i should say.

Again, my ego couldn't stop myself... Above all, i lost my patience. I wanted to ask everything i wanted to ask him all these years.

'What made you call me Karthik, after so many years?'

He stopped walking and stood still.. I turned around and saw him staring at me. His  eyes were filled...

What happened Karthik?

He was blushing with anger. He came next to me, pulled me aside..'So many years? 3 years  Indu.... 3 miserable years! Do you have any idea what i was going through? how much i missed you? How many times i dialed  your number and then stopped myself?

he looked at me for a while standing next to him ,numb... he suddenly got his senses back.. he took his hands off my shoulders, leaned on the wall, closed his eyes, and stood there for a while. I didn't know what to say....

I'm sorry.. he said.. and looked  at me..

its okay.. i said, and started walking..

He went on.. ' U know Indu... there are certain relations which would last for ages, there would be differences between the people involved,  but what makes them stay for each other is that, there's a bond, there's love and above all understanding between the two. these relations may not really have a name, but they, are in fact very special. On the other hand, some cannot handle these relations not because they don't love or understand each other, but that they expect a lot from the other. they think if the other person loves me, he/she would change for me, change whatever i cant accept in that person. But the other, expects this person to accept him/her as what he/she is. and these expectations starts ruining the relationship...'

He took a deep sigh and then continued... ' we fall into the latter..expectations ruled us..we wanted to be together.. we tried ages to save the relation and be together. but we couldn't really help it. It ended, and for it was so tough for me to get over you... I tried a lot, every possible way i can. Spent time with friends, met gals, went out with them, but i couldn't really be with them. Later i thought to change myself, to the one u always wanted to be with, and  decided to call you until i didn't find myself good enough to present before you'

He paused...

'It might have been easy for you to say goodbye, and leave just like that... but for me it was terrible! I didn't show it up, i didn't come behind you... for u didn't want me to.. u didn't want me to be sensitive.. you wanted  me to be practical about life, you wanted me not  to be possessive about you - you wanted me to be something i was not. I did try... and that made me reach wherever  I'm.  Well thanks to you.. but then... you shouldn't have punished me by staying away. You could have tried it staying by my side.'

Now, i couldnt take it any longer.  I couldn't stop my tears and  i let out my feelings.

"Karthik, do you think it was easy for me? Do u think i wanted to punish you..?. You know very well, am so impatient and short tempered... and i cant stand something beyond my limits. Still i took it for around 4 years. you know why? 'coz i loved you! I left you, i wanted to break up with you, i do admit. but that doesn't mean i never wanted you. I did it coz i couldn't take it any further. I thought breaking up with you at that particular moment would be better for the two of us."

'Did it help you any way?'

'No, it didn't... It was tough for me as well.. but i had to live with it anyway... and replacing you with someone else was unimaginable for me'

Both of us looked at each other and kept silent. I could feel some peace flowing inside me... all the guilt, regret everything slowly started fading.

he slowly touched my palms and hold it tight... and  that was the moment, i was waiting for all these years.

' I thought u wouldn't pick my call, nor did i expect you'd come'.. He said

'Why wouldn't i? that was what i was waiting for, since we broke up.. You could have called me way before.. stupid.. y did u take so long?'

'I dunno.. may be, my ego.. or the fear of you thrashing me all over again... that would have been far more than i can take'

"How did you guess i was not in a relationship with someone else?' i was curious

'I know you better than you do' he winked

'okay, but what if i had fallen for someone else?'

'you didn't.. so let it be.. y asking stupid questions... ?'

'So, am i in? will you break up with me again, we if i slept till 10 AM or if i took leave for a day to give a surprise?' he asked me with a naughty smile - the smile i loved the most.

i were stupid, weren't i?

You still are... and that drives me crazy!

I looked at him, we laughed.. i leaned towards him, placed me head on his shoulder n he held me tight like never before..i knew what it conveyed. !