She put her phone back for the 100 th time without making the call. She dialed his number umpteen times, but didnt really have the strength to say a "hello" at least. The guiltiness was killing her.. N now, even she managed to call him she was afraid, how he'd react. Above all, the egotist didnt want to do it all over again.. Its been ages since she has been doing it n she was quite done with whatsoever she was doing with him..She was back on her path of perplexity..Suddenly she stood up, picked up the phone, dialed his number and closed her eyes.
It was just 10 days since they spoke but it seemed to her like ages.. and she couldnt stop herself from missing him....
Tring tring... tring tring....
"The number you are trying to reach is currently busy... please try again later"
Haan,, so he disconnected the call... obvious thing.. She expected nothing other than that. She was staring at her phone for a text message atleast...
Beep
She picked it up and opened the message.. It said:
"what?"
Now she was a bit relieved.. he responded :)
"One last time"
"You gonna kill yourself or what"
She was literally stupified...
"Please... One last time"
"Just tell me this, what you gonna do - kill yourself/. gonna throw your phone away? abuse me? Or all of the above?"
Well... What else would he expect? She has been doing the same for the past 6 years! Still, he took it all.. and even after torturing him for years, she broke up with him for no good reason!
Sigh!
"I couldnt take this pain all over again.. Am just too... i dunno how to explain it.. but i just cant miss you anymore. i need you back, forever... You have always been there, you stood with me, loved me more and more no matter what i did... And i just wanna let you know, i love you too more than you can ever imagine.... I just cant be like this, am lost... And now as i'm dying......"
She stopped typing n read it all over again.... No, he seems to be happy these days.. if she let him know that she was dying he may not be able to take it.... or what if he takes it as a joke and replies something that would tear her apart?
Well, she had lied to him million times that she was dying just to seek his attention - you cant expect anything else from an attention seeker... After all, he was the only one who ever showed that someone loves or cares for her.. Her busy parents never ever had time to sit with their child nor did they listen when she begged she couldnt take this loneliness.... he was nothing less than God to her. he gave her everything she wanted, but then, she forgot he had a life of his own... He had a life, a family n a bunch of friends to take care of... He had to build up his life and then to take her in.... it was a big deal indeed.. but she never realised.. She always wanted him 24*7 by her side.. She was in living in that fantasy world where everything was perfect - A perfect life with him being with her, giving her everything she wanted....
Now, how would she tell him she was dying? She knew there was something real bad happening with her, she didnt know what exactly it was, what disease she had.. But the way her doctor n parents reacted, she was quite sure... She was dying..
She has got no time left... She had to leave him forever... he may not get to hear her voice again.. He wouldnt call her "my love" anymore... He may not be able to hug her n wipe her tears off, look into her eyes n say "i love you" with that smile which she loved more than anything... He cannot sing for her which was indeed one worst thing, but still she loved it... He wouldnt get calls from her in the middle of the night saying "i wanna see you right now", "take me there tomorrow".... And if he ever knew everything's gonna end forever.... she couldnt just imagine how he'd react..
No matter how often they fight, call each other bitch/bastard, break up or say good bye... they knew thats not gonna stop them from loving each other... They'd definitely pick up easily and behave as if nothing happened....
A drop of tear rolled down her cheek n she couldnt stop the flow... She took the phone again... read the text all over again n deleted it off.. She might be able to manage the loss, but the day he knows whats happening with her.....
Sigh!
She'd love to spend her last moments with him n would die happy, but then, the pain that's gonna give him made her selfless...
She kept the phone aside, lied down on her bed, closed her eyes n sighed over and over.... And then she started staring at the phone all over again, wishin' for a text message from him... or a call...for one last time...
