When I go back to the old times, rewindin' the time span, 10 years before - I was a cute li'l 13 year old kid, with so little problems on her head - and all those problems were from her math text books. Had a gang of friends (which she used to call them) havin’ fun all the time, chit-chattin’ during free hours, playin’ hide-n-seek, gettin' a laugh out of some stupid thing, enjoyin’ ice-creams from the school canteen. Life was then easy. It was all fun. And then, after matriculation, realized how stupid she was, as all her friends passed out with high scores, and she could just get a distinction, where she knew, she could have done much better than all of them – realized – they did study where she stuck in playin’ n havin’ fun, believing’ they were also doin' the same!
And later, deciding to study, n she did… But then, things didn’t fall in place – the surgery , the bed rest , missin’ lessons , hardly havin’ any one to help me out, fed up with things, fallin’ out of what she wished to, messin' up with the exams. The ambition to become a doctor vanished replaced by that of being a designer, which was again replaced with Engineerin’ as parents were obvious about it.
Didn’t want to mess up this time, but all the colorful things a college had to provide slowly drifted her from her decision. She was always uncertain about everything! (She plans, but never works out on it)I deliberately started havin’ fun, even though she knew her friends are doin’ good with their studies, she didn’t give a damn about hers. And then being accused of somethin’she didn’t do, gettin’ dejected by the society, being deserted by “friends” n deceived by the person whom she trusted the most, n certain others too. Hardly did she had friends. Hardships she had to face, not just with the college, but with people around her – family, neighbours, relatives, and friends. Even thinkin’ about endin’ up her life rather than fightin’on.
Her angel’s entry – who calls himself GOD than friend ;) and that's the only thing she hasnt argued with. :-) He taught her what life’s, how to deal with it n all that. But stupid thing, didn’t listen. He was always right - her problems - she created them on her own! Stuck with the old things rather than movin’ on, pissed him of n he left – realization- he was the only one friend she had- or rather, the first person she knew who could be called as a “friend”. Everyone else were fake, nd she knew, it doesn’t count how long you were friends, but all that matters is how much they mean to you n you mean to them. Stopped considerin’ all other stink’n fakin’ assoles as friends. And then, entry of the rest of them whom she started callin’ as friends. They too made her think and act in the right way.
Getting’ back to college - screwed up her semesters , didn’t attempt exams, supplementary papers beat the crap out of her. she was still being stupid and ignorant on what she was upto. Hardly did she love herself n people around her. All she wanted was to satisfy her ego – she did- nd ended up being a loser.
“Friends” became her weakness. Started befriendin’ people who didn’t deserve to be. Lived for them n got trashed at the end. No worries, as she gave her best. Stopped expectin’ from people and started givin’ them their space rather than whinin’. The lonely self in her always wanted someone to be around, to love her, care for her, and make her feel special – but now, content with whatever she has - There’s no point grabbin’ n askin’ people to be with you if they don’t really wanna be around.
4 months of work, learned a lot from there too – the people whom u love n care for may not give a crap about you – alryt! And then, inventin’ the hidden talents in her – That she could sing a bit, write a bit, and sketch a bit - A BIT!
The learnin’ process still continues, learnin’ atleast one lesson per day, as life is still on and she has reached no where. But yes, now she has a dream, an ambition, somethin’ to hope for and somethin’ to work on. She has started livin’ her life, the way it has to be. And now she wonders, what she used to be n what she is now. The stupidity still prevails but, now, No room for stupidity, as she's tryin' hard not to be a stupid anymore. But still, the attention hog seeks for attention ;)
Miles to go before I sleep. :-)
Miles to go before I sleep. :-)
