You are 29, female and unmarried. You are career oriented, independent yet called a failure because you are unmarried. "Are you seeing someone?", they ask, unapologetic about questioning your private life. "Don't drag it too much, get married to him because you are 29", they advice later without even wanting to know your answer.
" Your friends are married, you should get married too. Look, your youngest cousin has a baby boy too. What are you doing with your life? Get married, because you are 29".
"What career are you talking about? Family comes first. Imagine being alone in the world down the line. You need kids to take care of you. Get married, because you are 29"
"Your parents are getting old. They would want to see you settle down. Get married, because you are 29"
"Sorry for being blunt, but since you are fat it's very difficult to find a guy who would want to get married to you. Find one at the earliest and get married, because you are 29 and ugly"
"Your biological clock is ticking. Get married, because you are 29"
The list goes on. And you wonder why they are worried about your age, your gender, your physique or anything for that matter, let alone your marital status.
Sometimes you ask yourself, "Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I just leave my career and plans behind and get married to someone who is already settled? Because I am 29, ugly and hopeless".
Your boyfriend tells you how terribly demanding a girlfriend you are, why no guy would ever want to be with you, and that he is doing you a favor; all these because you told him you can't handle his drama anymore.
You are ugly, fat, terrible, vicious, demanding, 29 and unmarried. Everyone you know reminds you of this, but has anyone ever bothered to ask whether you are happy? No. The truth is no one wants to know what makes you happy.
You take a pause and look around. Your married friends - most of them are unhappy. Some are still being in the relationship because they are stuck in marriage, responsibilites and kids and it's not easy to walk away. You get the stories of divorced women and men who tell you how divorce has helped them grow. You see single men and women unready to settle for something that's not meant to be.
You take another pause and retrospect the relationships you have had. You see how your relationships have grown sour because you want things to be a certain way or he wants you to be a certain way. How that he-is-the-real-deal turned out to be the biggest mistake of your life. How demanding you were, or how cheap he was. How complicated you were and how arrogant he was.
You find yourself happier alone than with a man. You realise happiness is not defined by having someone in your life or not.
"You are not a marriage material", even your best friend tells you this. But let me tell you, you are not born to be someone's wife. You're not a half - better or worse - but a fully grown person. And the ultimate purpose of life is not always 'settling down'. If someone tells you so, you don't need them in your life because that's negativity.
They may judge you for having multiple male friends who you often hang out with, or the pathetic relationships you have had, but the truth is whatever you have done, you were either happy or have learnt a great lesson from it. You are unmarried because you chose to be, and that's huge - to stick to your decisions.
You are single for a reason. Over the years you have learnt to be happy. You have successfully crossed that phase of wanting to be with someone. You are comfortable in your own skin and has other priorities such as career, travel, fitness and hey! You are doing a fab job! It's better to have your life organised than wanting to organise someone else's.
Get married, not for a ceremony, not because you are getting old, not for any reason other than this - you want to share the rest of your life with a certain someone who respects you and your decisions, does not play the hindrance in your life, accepts you for your choices and loves you for who you are.
Until then, be 29, unmarried and happy.
" Your friends are married, you should get married too. Look, your youngest cousin has a baby boy too. What are you doing with your life? Get married, because you are 29".
"What career are you talking about? Family comes first. Imagine being alone in the world down the line. You need kids to take care of you. Get married, because you are 29"
"Your parents are getting old. They would want to see you settle down. Get married, because you are 29"
"Sorry for being blunt, but since you are fat it's very difficult to find a guy who would want to get married to you. Find one at the earliest and get married, because you are 29 and ugly"
"Your biological clock is ticking. Get married, because you are 29"
The list goes on. And you wonder why they are worried about your age, your gender, your physique or anything for that matter, let alone your marital status.
Sometimes you ask yourself, "Am I doing the wrong thing? Should I just leave my career and plans behind and get married to someone who is already settled? Because I am 29, ugly and hopeless".
Your boyfriend tells you how terribly demanding a girlfriend you are, why no guy would ever want to be with you, and that he is doing you a favor; all these because you told him you can't handle his drama anymore.
You are ugly, fat, terrible, vicious, demanding, 29 and unmarried. Everyone you know reminds you of this, but has anyone ever bothered to ask whether you are happy? No. The truth is no one wants to know what makes you happy.
You take a pause and look around. Your married friends - most of them are unhappy. Some are still being in the relationship because they are stuck in marriage, responsibilites and kids and it's not easy to walk away. You get the stories of divorced women and men who tell you how divorce has helped them grow. You see single men and women unready to settle for something that's not meant to be.
You take another pause and retrospect the relationships you have had. You see how your relationships have grown sour because you want things to be a certain way or he wants you to be a certain way. How that he-is-the-real-deal turned out to be the biggest mistake of your life. How demanding you were, or how cheap he was. How complicated you were and how arrogant he was.
You find yourself happier alone than with a man. You realise happiness is not defined by having someone in your life or not.
"You are not a marriage material", even your best friend tells you this. But let me tell you, you are not born to be someone's wife. You're not a half - better or worse - but a fully grown person. And the ultimate purpose of life is not always 'settling down'. If someone tells you so, you don't need them in your life because that's negativity.
They may judge you for having multiple male friends who you often hang out with, or the pathetic relationships you have had, but the truth is whatever you have done, you were either happy or have learnt a great lesson from it. You are unmarried because you chose to be, and that's huge - to stick to your decisions.
You are single for a reason. Over the years you have learnt to be happy. You have successfully crossed that phase of wanting to be with someone. You are comfortable in your own skin and has other priorities such as career, travel, fitness and hey! You are doing a fab job! It's better to have your life organised than wanting to organise someone else's.
Get married, not for a ceremony, not because you are getting old, not for any reason other than this - you want to share the rest of your life with a certain someone who respects you and your decisions, does not play the hindrance in your life, accepts you for your choices and loves you for who you are.
Until then, be 29, unmarried and happy.
