The taste of ... betrayal

"Have you ever tasted betrayal?", he was curious. 

Her glowing face suddenly turned pale. She grabbed his cigarette, took couple of slow puffs and turned to him.

"I'm not too sure whether betrayal can sum up my whole experience. May be yes. But all I can tell you is, I was hurt a hundred times, and possibly that has made me emotionally numb." she paused.

"We could've avoided this conversation. Brings back many forbidden memories." she exclaimed.

"Oh! I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"No. Its absolutely okay. If you hadn't asked me this today, I'd have probably found it difficult to give you my answer for what you asked me the other day."

"Means?" he didn't want to hear what he feared would have followed.

"There's no room for romance in my life. Simple as that."

He was shocked. He never saw this coming.

"Never wanted to hurt you, neither did I want to give you false hopes"

But he didn't respond. He knew the taste of betrayal too and how hurt feels like. He remained silent; couple of smokes down he decided to wait, until she feels what he feels.

They didn't talk later that day and both went back to their rooms. He left with a piece of hope and she, with guilt for rejecting the one she loved.

Hurt, betrayal and the fear to face them all repeating all over again can make people irrational.

The Thing about Attachment

"What's attachment? How does it look like?" asked the curious little girl.

The grown ups were in a deep discussion about this phrase she had never heard of and no one really bothered to listen to her, except the old man. He turned to her, stood up from his chair, smiled at her, walked towards the study and asked her to follow him. They entered the room, he opened the drawer, took out two pieces of paper, one black another red, took some glue and went to the table.

He applied the glue on the black paper carefully and placed the red one over it and said, "This is attachment". He then pulled one paper and it easily came out. "But they are not attached yet", he continued. "Let's give them some time so that they get adhered properly".

The girl and the old man waited for sometime to get the adhesive dry off. After sometime, he pulled the papers again slowly but neither came off. "They are now attached, forever. But forever is not really forever", he said and pulled the two papers a little harder. They tore, with a little bit of black on red and red on black. 

"See, they lost their shape and would never look the same again, if not attached together."

The little girl felt bad for the papers. She loved the colors when they were placed together and now they lost their charm.

"This is the thing about attachment. It takes a while to get attached to each other and it would be too difficult to detach once attached together. May be an external force can, and that would tear them apart. Sometimes one will be intact, but the other will be totally destroyed, sometimes both will lose their shape and it all depends on the way they were attached and how the external force behaves on them", he paused.

"In the discussion outside and in reality, human beings are the papers and the external force can be feelings, misunderstandings, distance, ego or even a third party. The more attached and strong we are. unlike the papers, the lesser would be the external force's impact."

The girl looked perplexed and the old man continued, "you wouldn't understand this now, may be you will, someday, once you grow up, but never learn it the hard way and don't be one of those torn color papers."

Have you been there?

Have you been there?

Where you fall in love with someone as deeply as you could, believe that you will never fall for another person again, and then learn that may be that's possible too, but never as much as you loved this one person, fail miserably to stop thinking how beautiful it would be when you two get together, realize that it will never happen, fall for that same person again... over and over again... when you actually want to fall out of it... try again to be out of it and then learn to move on hiding the love somewhere deep inside, for your own good.... and then, during an unexpected moment, you meet a  random someone who makes you fall head over heels for him just like how it was earlier, drives you crazy and makes you fall in love all over again and you witness the same feelings repeating by itself... history repeating itself...

Have you been there?

If yes, post here the tips that you think will work. A good friend is in need.

Your's truly.

The Purpose of Life!

Many a time you fail to figure out the purpose of your life. It may not always be making money, or travelling around, or eating good food or living with parents or meeting as many people as possible. Something else, which you fail to give a thought on. You live with the flow, follow the majority and live your life the way others want. You study, but never learn. You find a job that satisfies the world's requirements. You get married at the 'right' age. You have kids 'before its too late'. And one day you die without knowing why you lived all those years. You might die happy, and you think that possibly be the purpose of your life, but if at all given a thought, you would have found something extraordinary as the purpose to have been alive.

Some go against the flow; they become what the world wouldn't want them to be. They would be the most ridiculed ones; the ones who take all the pain and tantrums from every nook and corner just because they want to pursue a dream and find a purpose to be alive. And one day they become successful and the rest of the world follow their path proclaiming that's the right thing to do. And the value for that 'purpose' gets devalued.

The world has a lot more to explore and the intelligence man possesses if used wisely can bring up way better things than what we have now. If only we knew that the path every Tom, Dick and Harry choose is not always the right thing to do; there's something called 'passion' and that has to be treated well; each one of us would have had a better reason to smile than just sit, watch, appreciate and idolize one or two who have actually done it with their lives. Its good to try, but to try for what's worth takes a lot of courage!

Women are NOT safe in India, But why?

Rape, molesting and human trafficking have now become a common thing as well as a term that has been discussed quite often. People come up with various reasons on why women get raped or molested. And the major reason being ‘men’, of course! But, I would want to see it from another perspective and through that, I would say, the reason behind all these mishaps are ‘women’ on first place. Now, you might be pointing fingers at me asking how, being a woman, can I say that! Well, you have not yet gotten the whole perspective!

Women travelling alone during odd hours, their skimpy clothing, boozing, or hanging out with men are NOT my reasons. I always believe that, like men, women also should have their freedom and power to take decisions. Now, I will tell you why I said women cause rape. Well it is simple. Let’s consider this scenario. A girl got raped at some part of the country. We all will feel bad for her, and will panic too, and then, turn towards the women in our house and neighborhood. The next thing we would do is PREACH showing this as an example on why women are NOT supposed to be alone or independent on first place.

Women would get the shock of their lives and would pledge that they won’t let themselves go through the same thing as the ‘victim’ did. No one wants to be victimized you see! But then, what about those who have no other choice but go out during odd times to earn their bread and butter? They would be asked to sit at home?

What’s been happening is that, once news on rape gets widespread, women take precaution- not to step out of their house. And the ones who do, get targeted and this would become a trend. Every woman would gradually sit at home, no child will be allowed to go to school; girls will be getting married at a tender age and we would eventually go back to the era where women would be used as tools for man’s pleasure and for doing household chores. Only because we are AFRAID; afraid of getting raped! Because men won’t change, so women better handle it this way. And we have been fighting for ages for equality!

I would say nothing should stop us, women. We should rather gain courage and fight this out, together. Don’t stop yourself from stepping out of your houses; get yourself free from all the thoughts and the morons around. Independence is what we have been craving for, after all! As the number of women in the streets increase, no matter what time of the day it is,things would be safer,  is what I feel! Don’t panic when something goes wrong, have the courage to react.

Both men and women, instead of preaching your daughters, sisters, wives and daughter in laws to sit at home, teach them to REACT. Tell them that the precaution to save is NOT closing themselves up or not wearing something they are comfortable in. Teach them defensive methods; make them stronger. Tell them that they don’t belong to any weaker section; they are strong too in their own ways.

And women, you can learn from others mistakes, but backing out is NOT a remedy. Fight it out. Because, no one has the authority over you. The more you panic, worse things will be.You don’t have to ask for independence from anyone, you are born free. Get rid of your fear, and go out whenever you want. You are no one's slave. Its ok to take chances. Practice the things mentioned above and fly high!

Beauty - Lies in the eyes of who?

I was grown up watching movies and reading stories where boys & gals, men & women fall in love with each other, get married and live happily ever after. Where the girl might be extremely pretty, amazingly gorgeous and sometimes too hot to handle. And the guy, might be fat/short/dark/handicapped or sometimes all of them. He would still be so charming for the smokin' hot gal to fall for. I used to fancy all these when a kid and used to love the fact that gals not always fancy only men with six packs or who are super hot. Now I wonder why this has to happen. Why don't men fell for women who are dark or not even close to pretty and I've been seeking answers for this behavior!

Does that mean ONLY women follow 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' format and men's eyes only see external beauty? Or is it that women who are not beautiful shouldn't be loved at all? Most of the male actors when looked closely wouldn't even have enough physical strength to fight with a street dog, but they would be fighting with 20 villains who would be double his height and weight, save the girl and walk off like nothing happened. And that super hot chick would be impressed and fancying him thereafter. She would be seen stalking him, begging him to fall in love and finally gets the guy! What bullshit!

I am not saying there are no female actors who are not 'pretty' by looks, but aren't they used only for humor? There are exceptions, like an 'Ugly Betty' but she's UGLY, or a Jassie who was accepted by her love when she had a complete make over.... screw you! I don't understand their logic at all. If for men looking physically endearing is not important, then why is it important when it comes to the female counterpart? Agree trends are being changing, everyone wants six packed super hot men now, but aren't the other category still ruling the charts? Why haven't anyone ever tried making a handsome guy fall for a not-so-good-looking girl not out of sympathy but out of true love at least once?

Another thing is about women proposing men. There would be this cute girl who the male lead loves, and a super hot woman who wants the same guy, who tries to woo him because she is madly in love with him, but she gets rejected only because he is in love with another girl. At the same time, even if the girl is in love with another guy, when the hero acts crazy for her, she falls for him, every single time. Why are these film makers so much interested in showing that women are bitches, ALWAYS?

Why do people always give importance to external beauty but applicable only for women? If women are to be beautiful and men are not be macho, then why aren't all the male actors macho men? I WANT ANSWERS.

All these irk me and deeply and unfortunately this trend is been followed in real life too. I wish people start accepting the fact that external beauty is not important. Someone please stop this nonsense and bring to light that looks doesn't matter, be it for a man or a woman. Or atleast correct me if I am wrong. 

Love failures...

We grew up hearing this term 'Love Failure' both in movies and in real life, with pun intended and sometimes otherwise. When someone grows a beard, or keeps a stubble, drinks more than usual, stays off grid or does not plan to date someone or get married, we hear this phrase floating around. I've asked people, have also been bombarded with the same question at various instances. 'Love failure' happens one breaks up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, never gets to be with the one they love. But now, I wonder why we call it 'love failure'.

Does love actually fail? NO! Love never fails. It's people who fail - to express their feelings; to understand; to hold on to the one they love; to let their love go; to love unconditionally; to stop expecting more than what the other could ever give; and finally, to fall for the wrong one. 

 Love is such an unexplainable feeling that can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. To keep it live is our responsibility. There's no fake love, its people who fake; love is true, ALWAYS. We fail at making choices and decisions, so why blaming it on love? :-)

Love never fails. People do, miserably, dispiritedly and  terribly. So call it a break up or something of your choice, but never 'love failure'!

And yes, people don't get married, or stay single, or grow beard or get drunk for various other reasons. Like, for instance, a beard/stubble is the hottest thing men can ever have, and getting drunk makes one feel lighter ! 

He and She - Their tale

(Pre-script : Not for 'matured' people)


She unwittingly flashed her pallid skin, which caught his attention on her. And as he started staring at her, the skin suddenly became transparent; he could see the flesh and later the soul underneath. It was in the most tragical shape - scarred, bruised and torn all over. Traumatized, he stood there for a minute, and as soon as he got back to his senses, calmly approached her. She, as normal as anyone can ever appear, looked at him surprisingly. Another closer look, she found the curative with him, that could possibly extricate her soul. Silence built up, followed by smiles and then laughter.
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She loves talking to him. About everything under the sun. And to be naughty at times, and blabber like a kid - only to him. And mostly, she leaves notes - on his table, inside his diary, above the television, under his pillow. Tissue papers, napkins, newspapers - everything serves the purpose. And he, gives her a chocolate every time they meet - the next thing she loves the most, after him. He reads the notes, never questions the material that has been used, says nothing and keeps them safe. And she, gives him a piece of chocolate, eats the rest and saves the wrappers. Never ask them why, they wouldn't tell you, coz they wouldn't really have a reason. Though, they ask each other, every other day, couple of times, pull each other's legs, call 'cheesy' and smile at the end. They both know, this would be the cheesiest thing they would have ever done, but, all that matters to him is her beautifully framed words, and to her, those unsaid words behind the chocolates.
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Something or the other would drive him crazy, every now and then. He would walk around the room like a mad man. She would follow him, ask him what's wrong. He would shout at her; she would listen, without saying anything, with a smile on her face and heart instead. And then, she would go stand next to him, hold his hand first and would give him a hug from behind. She would then tell him, 'everything's gonna be alright'. He would lose his temper, throw her arms away from his shoulders, turn around and shout all over again. He would then say, ' Leave me alone; I don't want this; in fact, I'm not interested at all! I don't need you here; just leave!' She would stay there stunned for a second, eyes filled and without saying a word, would walk past him. She wouldn't know what had actually happened to him - them, and why she had been deserted; tears would roll down and she would let herself cry her heart out like never before. The next day, she would leave a note on his table, telling him her condition. And later, he would come to her, say sorry and hand over a bar of chocolate or two she was craving for, the past whole weekend. A smile on his face, and one on hers... Something would remain unsaid, yet understood - 'I'd never let you fall'; 'I'd never let you go'
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He cares - She knows. She matters - she knows. He loves - She knows. Everything is surreal. She picked a flower, started plucking the petals and said to herself - 'He loves me', and then a smile; 'He loves me not' takes a deep breath and continues. One by one, the petals fell on the ground and whenever the last petal says 'loves me not' she picks another and the massacre continues. No doubt on his love; she just loves to be cheesy sometimes, to keep that surreal feeling going, and he joins her too; they love to be crazy!
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She loses her mind sometimes... he does, too... And when they both lose their minds together, destruction follows. Glasses, plates, beer bottles... these would be flying inside the room. And if something doesn't break, she picks it up, bangs it on the floor all over again, until it is shattered into pieces. And then, the first person who started it off, takes a break and cools down, followed by the other. Silence, a smile right after and the cleaning up starts. She cries for breaking his favorite coffee mug, he gives her that tough look and the tears dries off. The next day, everything will be replaced, and they make sure, they have bought something that is not unbreakable.
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'17!' She counts the number of grey hair on her head and suddenly runs towards him and checks all over his head to find if he has any. '5? Arrgrhhh' she screams... He smiles at her. Next day, comes home with a salt n pepper look. She looks amused, goes near him, catches his wrist and plays with it like a shy kid. And then tells him, 'Salt n pepper... Is so frigging hot' and winks. He smiles, gives her a branded hair dye pack and winks back. ;) ;) ;) Too many winks all together, followed by laughter.
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He loves flowers - only in the garden, alive. But, she loves receiving them, as gift, once in a while. Not necessarily roses; her favorites are carnations and gerbera.Sometimes, only sometimes, he comes home with a bunch of pink carnations, or yellow gerberas or even roses - the red ones. Or whichever color  he finds at the florist, he takes them home, gives one to her, keeps the rest in a flower vase. She takes that single flower and keeps it in another vase with dry flowers - those he had gifted earlier just like the one she has with her now.
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Weekends, off days, Wednesday mornings, Monday nights - Whenever they can, they drink together. And she doesn't have a personal favorite; she drinks whatever he chooses to drink. A peg or two can get her high, and horny sometimes. Her naughtiness crosses the limits certain times. But, he tolerates it all; in fact enjoys the way she behaves when she's sloshed. Sometimes, she gets emotional too. She cries over breaking his favorite coffee mug the last time they fought. Or how the kitten next door got stolen. Or why she denied to give his lil brother that T-shirt he asked for. She cries out loud, like how a kid cries over his broken toy. Sometimes she lies on his shoulder and tells him, 'I'm not beautiful; nor perfect' 'no one is', he interrupts.  'Shhhhhh'. She cuts him and continues, 'So, I'm not beautiful nor perfect. But the feeling I've for you is the best you can ever get. I love you and will always do, I know you love me too, but not as much as I do.  And I'm never gonna leave you, don't you dare think even once about leaving me.' Looks into his eyes for a while, and asks disappointed, 'You also think I'm not beautiful?' pauses and before he could tell something, dozes off. And he knows, whatever she says wasn't out of the influence of alcohol. He caresses her face, kisses her forehead and dozes off too. 
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She's extremely romantic; he's not. He's hard working; she's laid back. She would die for pizza; he prefers Salads. He's a learner; she's absent minded. Anything can get her high; it takes 8 pegs to get him there. He's practical; she's into fantasy.He's very particular about things; she doesn't even understand what that means. They've nothing in common - except for a smile. They both love being happy; moreover, they back each other up when things go wrong. 'Coz their smiles depend on each other.
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Sometimes, amidst piles of work, she takes a break and lets her thoughts wander. They reach to a single point all the time and that's him. She keeps wondering about how once-a-total-stranger became the most important part of her life; how his absence haunts her; how uneasy life becomes when he is not around; how lonely she feels even amongst her best of friends when she misses him; how this one random stranger could turn her part of world upside down and leave her breathless. Certain thoughts about him make her want to slap him right on his face, but she could control it all considering how well he treats her, certain other times. His transformation from a stranger to a friend, then to the best friend and finally to her love interest is indeed the best thing happened to her and that very thought makes her smile, at the end of the thought process. 
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The most intriguing thing about her that haunted him was not the way she looked with those artificiality on her face, or how casually she smiled at a stranger, but how effortlessly she could pick the pieces of her heart each time it broke, and fix it, like nothing could ever destroy her.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
During one of his most vulnerable moments, as she hugged him tight without asking what went wrong, he asked, 'Why do you love me so much? No one did, when I badly wanted to be loved. May be I don't need it anymore. Please don't make things hard for me'.... She gently stroked his forehead and replied, 'I know how it  feels to be unloved!'
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And a cigarette butt...

"Destiny is what you choose" is an overrated statement. You don't necessarily get what you choose; you don't always become what you want to be. A cigarette 'butt' never chose to be a 'butt'. It never wants to be thrown away nor does it love to be smashed and torn. Once highly-demanded cigarette is destined to become ashes and 'butt' that ends up in the soil. It never chose its unfortunate destiny. No one ever wants to store a useless cigarette butt. But, she did; though a non-smoker she is, she saved it as if her life was in turn preserved inside it. It followed her wherever she went. There was an unknown, unseen bond between her and that cigarette butt. That butt which carried a unique odor that only she could recognize - the odor of her man.

Every time she meets him, she collects a cigarette butt and replaces the old one. All she wanted was the fresh odor - of her man. Each replacement would be a compassionate farewell. Flower bouquets, funerals and goodbyes - the cigarette butts had peaceful deaths.

5 replacements down. She waited for the next replacement.

Weeks passed by. Months and then years. The last cigarette butt hasn't been replaced yet. The butt wore off, so did she. Their companionship has now become a wait for the replacement. The odor has all gone now. The left over was just a recall to the past. They both waited - the cigarette butt for a peaceful death and the lady, for the same.

Never did the cigarette butt know that it wouldn't ever be replaced. Nor did she realise that she, the one who treated the cigarette butts he left as how she would treat him, for him, was just a cigarette butt.

Their lives halted and his moved on with so many cigarette butts smashed in the soil.

What the society thinks unmarried women do and what we actually do!

Our society (read Indian) works such a way that one needs to run his/her life according to its preset rules. It decides when you should - start dating, get married, have sex, have babies- the list goes on. It doesn't just end up with when's... Don't take me wrong, the society not just interferes in your relationship maamla alone...  There are who's, what's why's, where's and how's too... Like, who your friends be, who your friends' parents be, who you should be with, what you should be doing with your life, where you should be working, where your parents should be,  how your life has to be and most importantly, why you should be like everyone else and lead a stereotypical life. It gets tougher each and every year because a digit gets added to your age every year. And if you dare not  to follow the rules, you are anti-social; you need help coz you are a psychotic! 

I know, men might have their own worries on those lines, but here, I wanna let out my share of frustration, being a woman surviving in this society. The laws say u can get married at the age of 18. But the society has kept a cut off of 22 which has now thankfully been raised to 25 (forcefully). That's the only  good thing society gave women. But, if u don't get hitched by that age, you are gonna face severe consequences. 

A woman past 25, unmarried and single...  If she is being nice to people that's to get attention. If she smiles at you, that's a hint... If she comes home late or goes for parties, she was getting laid. If she talks loud or defends herself, she definitely has someone to protect her - a married, rich, powerful man. If she earns more than your son does, she is a hooker. If she gets appreciation at work, she has been sleeping with her boss. And the best of all - She has not gotten any guy obviously and hence she is horny, easily available and can be hit on anytime with hardly any pickup lines. If she has male friends, she is horny, easily available and a slut too. If those male friends are married, then, she is horny, easily available, a sluts and a vamp too.

If a woman is single, that's because she chose her life to be that way; she hasn't found the man who she thinks could be compatible with her. If she decides not to get married, she has left her life free from getting fucked. If you believe that a woman's life gets a meaning only wen she could surrender herself to some man, live according to his will and satisfy his desires, that's your bloody problem and I think the mentioned situation is  the worst that can happen to any human being. She does think about sex like everyone else, but that doesn't mean she is horny and any Tom or Harry's dick can get her. If you give her that seductive look or touch her the way you shouldn't,and she still doesn't react, that's only because she didn't know it was your hint to get her laid !!! 

If you preach us that one needs someone to take care of him/her for the rest of their lives, then  I would want to mention the number of divorces that's been increasing each  year; Children no longer take care of their parents, coz they don't have time to,so i'd like to mention the increase in the number of home nurses and old-age homes too. 

We may have male friends, they might be married but  you should know that we would be friends with their spouses too. Stop giving us that 'you are a vamp' look. We are NOT horny and are not looking for someone or the other to 'do' it. You need to know that you are making things tough for us. Stop making us feel so insecure whenever we are up to something or interact with men! 

Listen up people! Please give us a break!  Once and for all... We have a fucking life  too! SO please stop assuming! 

That fear!

There would be days when you feel so low but wouldn't know why that's for. You would really want to talk to someone or cry out loud, but cannot for the same reason - you have no clue what all those are for!

There would be times when no matter how cold you become, the 'emotional' you comes out for no particular reason. You would sit idle wondering what's wrong. You would think, think and re-think on what would have gone wrong, but still wouldn't get an idea. You would end up concluding on something, but that may not be the actual reason.

There would be moments when you realize you have gotten closer to someone, and feel an emotional attachment with that person, when you have deliberately stopped yourself from doing it. You would realize certain things are not under your control and certain people are so good that you cannot stop yourself from being with them. All these would happen when you have forcefully learnt to live on your own, with no one around, or in the absence of the most loved person. You might be all cool with everything, but this one person would have managed to get you out of that comfort zone, knowingly or unknowingly. You would ask yourself what's happening with you, why can't you act cold or rude here, why did this certain someone become one major priority, and you would never have an answer.

All these would drive you nuts, especially when the other is unaware what's going inside your head. You would crave for an opportunity where you can tell yourself this person doesn't mean anything to you, but miserably fail. You would do everything to get back to the cold person that you were, but would fail again.

You would think too much and start panicking. You would be afraid of losing this person or getting hurt all over again. You would keep asking yourself lots of why's, when's, how's and what's, but would never get an answer. This would be something you always wanted to avoid, but then, you would witness it happening to you with no prior notification You would do all possible things to keep away from this person, but you would know, you have ended up thinking more than usual.

May be, the only solution for all these would be, getting hurt all over again, which would mold you to an even stronger person. 

The problem is....

Every time, every single time, us, not all of us, but, most of us keep cribbing how unfair life is to us. Though we all know there are people who suffer more than we do, we just ignore that and keep sulking. And with all that luxury we have, which by no means our sweat but provided by our parents (Indians you see!) we crib for a break up, a fight with a friend, being jobless etc etc. (Well, I do that, quite a lot.) And all these cannot be solved! Whaaaaaaaaaa!

When I whine about the 24*7  pain I am going through and stop myself from doing work or couple of things saying that would hurt me further, I see people doing the same with the same problem, for a living. Coz they don't have the luxury as I do. I feel so bad, you know!

And then, a lot among us who are struggling and have reached somewhere from no where and are still struggling with a smile on their faces. Coz they wanna fight it over, they don't have time for bullshit. We respect them, but have we ever tried to be like them? NO! If we did, life would have been way better!

I'm not saying we should compare our problems with others, everyone's got their bit of crap to deal with, but then, how we deal it matters. Sitting and crying never helps. Fight it out. Win over! Live life to the fullest! I think I have started following that rule, and I know how amazing it is! May be, we all can  try that out and feel a less miserable! :-) 

Why is Jiah Khan still the talk of the town?

More than a week since she passed away, Jiah Khan still fills in the newspaper columns and  now here boyfriend too, I would want to take her case as an example for why one has to live. She should be considered a closed chapter I agree, but discussing about it can help people who are blinded in love is what I believe. We all go through this phase where we are blinded by that notion called 'love' where we tend to do anything, live and die for one person who might turn out to be the wrong choice through course of time. 

But then, at one point we need to realise, life is far more than the fantasies and fairy tales and B-town movies, life doesn't deserve to be ill treated, and once that's been realised, one learn to LIVE and respect life. One's life shouldn't revolve around someone else, we have lived before that one person and should learn to live without at some point however hard it be - that's the ultimate point.

"We all fall for the wrong guy/girl at some point in our life — some more wrong than others — but most of us find a way to fall right out. Romance is perhaps the most dangerous delusion, especially for young girls who are raised on a steady diet of fairytales, Bollywood movies and romance novels that valourise the all-consuming love affair, teach girls to hold out for Mr Right, wait for their 'one true love.' But in real life, Prince Charming often turns out to be the villain, or at least an uncommitted cad. And greater a young girl’s need for grand passion, the more likely she is to attract a parade of Mr Wrongs who exploit that yearning. Women who live to love as opposed to love to live are doomed to unhappiness." (Copied) And that's one major lesson for life.

Friends, family, love, education, knowledge, books, movies and society - everything does make an impact on a person, agree, but I would say, that's not the ultimate reason for why you are what you are. No one else can control your thought process or decisions, but yourself. If I decide to do something, how would that be the result of what the society or family had fed me? Being a human, being an individual, don't I have the sense or logic or reasonable thinking process to choose between right and wrong? Of course, right and wrong are concepts and it varies from person to person, but living your life is the right thing to do, not killing oneself and that's one universal fact. In Jiah's case,  what I don't understand is, if the mother and her family knew about this guy and have seen him torturing her, then why didnt they take the case to the police or take necessary actions, instead of blaming the guy or his father, for that matter! Wonder who has to be blamed here!

Girls often get carried away by false hopes and faked or sometimes unrequited love, being a girl I can say it better.  But does that always mean the guy has to be blamed? From my personal experience, I can say, I've gone both - how fake love affected me and how torturing I was in an unrequited love scene! 

 When a girl acts irrational and insane because she never got back at least a portion of the love she gave, no one really stops to listen to what the guy has to say. He might have tried, but not as much as she expected; he might have been practical unlike her. Girls generally act dumb when blinded in love, play the insecure, possessive, sensitive, emotional, bugging kinds, making the guy go nuts and vulnerable leading him to call it off. I am not saying this is what happens always, but this is one of those cases. Girls in love can mostly be the most dangerous and guys tend to escape from what's been happening to him... May be, she might have led him behave like 'this does not matter to me any longer' or may be he's the one who is actually wrong. But without knowing what's actually happened, no one can blame him for whatever he has done. (been there done that :D)

Take this is an experienced person talking, that love is not all. Treat it as a part of life, not a reason to live. One need love to survive, true that, and that love doesn't generally mean romantic; it can be what you share with parents, siblings or friends... Killing oneself is never a solution no matter what one is going through. And the day one accepts it and decide to live the life with no delusion that one need romance to survive, life turns out to be the best thing that can ever happen.

Lastly, killing oneself doesn't prove how much you love someone. If you really love someone, you shouldn't do anything that would affect him all through his life... If you consider it as  revenge, then again, the best revenge is to LIVE better and show him that you are fine without him!

With all respects to Jiah Khan, and as I am no one to say what she did was right or wrong, I find her case as an eye opener to most of us out here, and learn from what she has gone through, because learning from others' experience is better than going through the same to learn; may her soul rest in peace!

Attention Men!

So, I see a lot of guys talking about how pestering,  nagging, cribbing, bugging and irritating their girl friends are. They even say, 'things were so good when we were friends'. But they never really try to think what made them change. Guys, have you ever given a thought on why these ladies are so stereotypical when it comes to relationships or commitments? I know, you guys have a lot of reasons like 'she was never like that/i had made things clear in the beginning itself/ she was ok with everything/ she's not giving me space/ she's very possessive/ she doesn't understand/  she tend to intrude in everything' blah blah blah! But here are the things you should know about women in general before taking the next step.

• We, women, are 'women' coz you men are always 'men'! 
• We never really expect too much, we expect you to give us what you used to, initially, be it time, money or anything, coz you have already proved that you can deliver them and there's no excuse from not giving them later. 
• We don't understand because you don't tell us anything. 
• We tend to panic when you  are in trouble, not coz we aren't strong enough, but we love you and care for you.
• We wouldn't mind if you hang out with other gals until you have a 'past' of  dating multiple gals or we having a past of being with someone like that.
• We appreciate you being truthful, which includes loyalty too.  
• We are possessive coz we know you better and how inclined you are to hotness. 
• We don't mind you spending time with your friends, office, cricket or football until you spend equal time with us.
• We become pestering not because we love to do that, but instead, we love you and we want you to be the one we always knew.
• We ask for your passwords, we check your phone sometimes,we read through your messages. It's obvious we would dig into your past, so you should make sure that things are so normal that nothing would make an awkward moment between us.
• If we hate a friend of yours, preferably female, do anything and everything to make us like them. Don't  ask us how to, just do it on your own.
• We prefer meeting up and talking to you over phone for hours. We make time and  can  sacrifice anything and everything for that, so, your 'impossible' and 'no time for all that' doesn't really register.
• If we can think about you 24/7, we expect you to do the same too, but if that's not practical, tell us, we might try to understand.
• There's nothing in the world that we don't understand unless it is conveyed the right way and in the right tone. 
• When we ask something, we expect a straight reply, mostly 'yes' or 'no' right then, not beating around the bush or 'we will talk about it later'
• We don't mind you watching cricket or football until you are okay with us watching soaps or romantic movies sometimes.
• We would  love your friends and parents, until you do the same with ours.
• (Adults only) We don't have sex unless we are assured that we are the only one who you are having sex with you at that particular point.
• We become emotional quite a lot, coz  you are the only person to whom we show that side of ours. Learn to respect.
• We are generally insecure, either because of the previous relationship we had,  or we know how our male friends treat their GFs or how our female friends are treated by their BFs and we don't the same to happen with us (the wrong doings i mean)
• When we say we would do something, we never back out, until you change your mind
• We are generally confused souls, deal with it.
• We do have problems when you keep in touch with your ex, and  we never hide it. You know why your ex became an ex  and hence we don't expect them to be anywhere in your present or in your life to be precise.. 
• We think too much and imagine stuff that are never real, but that's how we are. We can't help it. 
• We do agree where we have a lot of  negatives, but you have them too, we tend to see your positives only and we expect you to do the same too.
• We love shopping, that shouldn't bother you much as long as you love cricket or football! 
• We can do anything for you, all we expect in return is a bit of your time, some love and care.

PS: Dedicated to someone once was very special ;-)

PPS: These are certain things guys never try to understand and I wish reading this throws some light, and if someone comes up with an 'Attention women' post as a counter, I would really  appreciate it and would be happy to know about how men think too and most importantly, that there are people who gets influenced by my posts ;) 

Cochin- You beauty, I'm so gonna miss you!

A romantic inclination towards someone - a hardcore one that is - makes you do possibly everything under the sun and you would even travel miles to start a new life or whatever. Well, GVM movies portray a guy flying to USA, but in real life, may be, from Trivandrum to Cochin can work. You would have a lot of hope, dreams and expectations until you are stuck with the reality - that reality though hard to accept would change your world upside down after the encounter. That's exactly what happened to me or may be something close to all that! A series of unexpected events through out an year and a half, had left me fall for this city more than I always did.

Apart from the usual making new friends, visiting new places, learning new things, the overall experience changed me bit by bit, which I still can't figure out whether it was for good or bad. Travelling alone, dealing with life alone, making friends and then their part in my life and my part in their life, heart breaks, night outs, second shows, long drives and rides, parties and after parties, birthdays and weddings, there were a lot to celebrate, or may be not. But the whole point is, we celebrated life :)

Falling in love with the same old person all over again, waste of time realisation, a newly found love which turned out to be quite another tragedy - that comprises the romantic side. Or in short, there was no romance at all, which is surprisingly not a new thing.

And what did I learn from life - a lot, again! The overall perspective about life changed over night literally. What we think is good may be bad to someone else, and right - wrong! There's in fact no good or bad, no right or wrong, no this or that. It's an individual's choice on how to live his/her life until he/she is hurting someone else. I think that's the most important thing I learnt and I would want to live by it through out.

The best part was indeed some amazing people I met who just made the roller coaster ride an easy one and worth the effort :-) not gonna name anyone as it's very cliche throughout my blog, nor am I gonna diplomatically say 'everyone was equally important'. There were indeed some for who I even vouch my life, and I guess they all know that I mean it when I say this.

 As the bizarre life comes to an end, I just have nothing but a lot of memories to carry along with me all through me life. No sorrys or thank yous because they are done and dealt with. Each day was a new experience and a new lesson, and that was the beauty.

 PS: Kahawa, Pai brothers and Ming's wok will be terribly missed more than anything or anyone. :'(

Musings of a single, 26 year old woman!

How would it feel when something which was always yours - the thing you've been pampering and considering your own for ages, the thing you would never wanna share, not even with your best buddy... that one thing you'd give your life for.... suddenly goes stolen. Like, you would never find it ever! THAT feeling is quite unexplainable !! Well, lil close to it is what I feel when AAAAALLLLLLL my friends get married! No, really! I might sound quite lame here, but the truth has always been bitter!

No matter how much we claim that friendship's not gonna change when someone else come into your life, there's no intruding and all that, it always come to one thing - close to THE END. Everything becomes so stereotypical. Your friend finds a guy or a gal, they start dating, then get married, you would be happy for them, but then, you know, you are slowly losing them.

Things get worse if the friend is from the opposite gender and when you are single. :/ You'd been spending half of your life with this one person, and suddenly he gets a partner to hang out with, to visit your favorite restaurants, his phone has a new number to  dial on, his bike now has a new  pillion passenger... You'd be there as his friend for life, but everything would have changed. You know they have moved on, 'coz they have a life to deal with, you know everything, but still that 'missing him' will remain, probably until you find a person, your love.... This might be in simple words can be called as 'being selfish', but then I think this is  quite a common issue mostly every friend would be facing!

Weddings, marriages and all that do ruin quite a lot good relations...  At the age of 26, and still being single, I wonder what all is in store! :/

Parents and girls - the bond!

There were times, I mean, not just a few times, but almost all through my life in fact, I'd thought my parents are against me. They don't love me and don't want me to live my life the way I want. I often used to ask them whether they need my life too to live, for themselves. I used to be very angry at them, for not sending me to join a fashion designing institute, but to an engineering college instead; irritated at them for not giving anything I want. And there were times when I used to HATE them for not being the kind of parents I want!!

But now, when I retrospect, I feel sorry for all the misconceptions I had. I feel guilty for being rude to them. When I look back and see the things they did for me - starting from the day I was born!

Though they wanted  their second child to be a boy, they didn't go for a foeticide or kill me once I was born, knowing that their wish didn't come true! They didn't ill treat me, instead grew me up like a boy. They gave me all the luxuries, send me to the best school.. Taught me cycling, and then to ride a bike, and drive a car.

They didn't get me married at the age or 18 or so, but instead let me study! They send me to an engineering college to give me the best of education, but I was the one who screwed it up. Though they weren't happy, they allowed me to choose the job I want, and move to the place I loved. They hardly asked me who my friends are, nor did they question my relationship with the umpteen male friends I've. They gave me the best medication whenever I fell ill, gave me the best food which is obvious ;) and got me almost everything I asked for.

I'm 26 now, but never did they force me get married to any Tom, Dick or Harry just because the society was asking them to. Never did they ask me what sort of life I spend here, whether I started smoking or boozing. Though they oppose at times, never have they forced me not to do something that I love.

And all these when I realize, I feel so guilty, for all the hatred I had, for all the mishaps, for all the torture. They had their own reasons and I had mine, and no one really bothered to understand each other and that's when things go wrong. Now, I learnt to understand my parents and hence I'm happier than how I used to be.   *touchwood*

I tell them almost everything I do, they may not like it but still they don't really attack on me. And probably, I believe there would be more females who would be thinking the same way as I used to, and I'd suggest them to think the way I did before they complain about their parents.

You always get to fix things you've broken, you always get a chance to know fellow human beings, use it wisely and be a better person than what you were yesterday! :-)

An open letter to 'relatives' across the world

Dear relatives,

It's been great to have you guys around to show the rest of the world the strength of our family... However, I would like to mention a few things people like me, always wanted to let you people know, on your 'moral policing' especially, though we never got a chance to. There would be many, who want to say these, so here you are! A few of those things we really wish you knew!

1. Engineering and medicine are not the only career options!
2. What to wear, what not to, how to style up etc are absolutely our discretion.
3. We don't want  to be compared with other's kids. If you dare,compare us with yours!
4. If we drop our course, we have better plans for our life - well that's what we believe, and we really want you to believe that too (in case you are so concerned about it)
5. Tattoo, body piercing were invented by our forefathers, so never every complain saying its a 'bigda hua new trend'
6. As long as you worship Gods who had 18,000 wives or used to smoke up or cheated around, you just can't question our moral side. 
7. Guys and girls can indeed be friends and share platonic relation, so stop injecting negative thoughts into their head.
8. If you are on our Facebook friends list, be grateful that we didn't ignore. And if we are posting stuff that you can view, that would mean we are not hiding anything.
9. Before judging us from our Facebook profile that your kid just showed you, do keep an eye on theirs!
10. Gals and guys sitting together doesn't make it obvious that they are sleeping together as well. 
11. Speeding a vehicle is not always rash driving. 
12. Our age and relationship status is nothing of your concern. Anyway, our parents think we are still kids, so do we!
13. Not everyone who's unmarried has physical/mental sickness, nor do they need a character check.
14. Not everyone working at Wipro, Infy, or Microsoft are happy.
15. We don't have guy friends/gal friends... we just have FRIENDS
16. We are not bothered about our friends' family background, nor do we want anyone else to investigate on it.
17. We are Not dating every opposite sex friend that we have. 
18. We have our parents and friends to match ourselves up with someone. You please take care of  your own business.
19. Not getting pregnant after 3 months of our marriage doesn't make us infertile!
20. Don't judge us as long as you haven't spend time with us.
21. We love our parents, we don't want your approval.
22. We don't need your consent nor opinion before taking any decision! 
23. We are not concerned about you life and we expect the same back.
24. We don't live to impress you  or your folks.

Arrghhh....  if I keep discussing about their concerns, I'll go nuts. So stopping  here as of now.

PS: This doesn't mean my relatives, all of them, are jobless... Well some of them are... others are awesome :D :D

PPS: Applicable for neighbours as well! 

FYI - Filthy Dogs!

Every woman in this entire planet is a 'slut' to someone or the other and that's a hard truth. Being a woman myself, I've learnt things the hard way.  One such lesson is that, you can  never shut the mouth of those dirty dogs wagging their tongue against you. They keep wagging until they find their next prey and some other dog will start doing that to you. It's more like a  circle of filthy dogs taking rounds to bark and through hell on you. And unfortunately, these filthy dogs are not always men; even women target their peers and you can call   it jealousy!

Their idea of 'slut' starts when they see you hanging out with men, different men, multiple men, they call you a 'slut'. Then you post your picture with a guy on your Facebook profile or Twitter account, only to let them re-confirm that whatever they had thought of is absolutely true.They are so ignorant to know that there's something called 'friendship' and men n women can share purely platonic relationships with each other.

No matter whatever you do, no matter however you behave, at some point, you'll be called a 'bitch'. If you are not friends with men, then you are secretive and is not 'good' inside, if you have many male friends, you are still not good! They expect you to live the way they want, without offending them and just listen to whatever they say! And if you think it's because you are single, nah! That's not the case! Even married/engaged women are targeted. And trust me, the things been said about them are even worse!

These It's quite obvious that I've taken the same crap too, for the crappy reasons they have, and the crappier mentality they possess. And for me, the way they think can't be changed, as that's how they are, or that's what they've seen in their family! The more you try to justify your side to anyone, the crappieryou are gonna get! And I wonder why majority of our people are so jobless!

So ladies, live the life the way you want, and don't effing give an eff to anyone around. IT'S YOUR LIFE, IT'S NOW OR NEVER, YOU AIN'T GONNA LIVE FOREVER! ;)

All that matters

She was standing half naked in front of the mirror, rubbing her left breast. That comparatively big, taste-like-ham and beautiful, as he says, breast has lost its charm, she thought. Discolored and disfigured, it has lost it all. She had always thought he loved her breasts more than herself, and that very thought irked her. Now that one of them is going to be removed, she feared, he would no longer be hers!

Breast cancer, as fierce  as it sounds, has been holding her tight for the past few days, and as doctor instructed, she had to undergo this surgery as early as possible. Knowing him for years, she knew he would never leave her, but all that she was afraid about was losing his love.

 "I would have wanted to die instead of living without his love", she sighed. 

Those breasts had been her secret pride as he always loved fondling them and made it his first choice to do  before making love to her. And now, will he ever do that? Will he ever look at her the way he always did? She couldn't think more!

While she was plunging into thoughts, he slowly came inside the room. She suddenly took a towel from the hanger and hid her breasts. She never did that before, but now, it was more like a reflex action. There was a perplexed look on his face as she did this. He came closer to her and slowly removed the towel from her chest. She stood there uncomfortable and with eyes wet.

 He knew, unlike other women, she wasn't afraid of death. And a surgery would just be a piece of cake. For a lady past her thirties, she's strong and matured enough to handle any tough situation. But may be this, he thought, would be bothering her a bit. Cancer is not a silly thing  and had to be taken care of and he could definitely figure out what she would be going through. 

He touched her cheeks, held her face up and looked into her eyes. She couldn't stop but cry. She hugged him tight and started crying like a  baby. He couldn't stand her cry either, but somehow gained courage and consoled her.

"My love, it's a minor surgery, and a couple of chemo. It's gonna be tough for both of us, but eventually, we would be happy once we face this. So please, stop worrying and gain some guts. You'll be alright"

"I know that", she said while weeping, "I'm prepared to face any agony, but living without you or your love would be hard for me more than anything"

"Whaaaa....tt?", he couldn't figure out what she was talking about. "Where am I going? What are you talking about?"

She wanted to tell him what was bothering her, but she didn't know how to put it. She walked past him, sat on the bed, looked down and told him, "I'm gonna lose one of my breasts; one of those you always loved to fondle, one of those you loved more than me... now that I've to live without it, I won't be the same like I used to be, things are definitely gonna change. I may not be able to give the pleasure you always got from me, or may be, you wouldn't want to touch me ever or something like that.. You'd slowly leave me, and I would be left alone forever"

Never in his dreams did he think, this would be the very thing bothering her. He couldn't really make out why she would think that way. He wondered how his girl could go to this extend and imagine such nonsense. He was shocked! He loved her, not her body or anything in particular and he believed she knew it!

"Why???", he shouted and walked past her. He couldn't utter another word. And she sat there, stunned. She realised, whatever she had thought was way too much. She didn't know what to say!

They both remained silent for a while. He, after sometime sat close to her touched on her shoulder and smiled at her. 

"Let's first survive the current situation and then think about the rest as it comes"

He then gently touched her right breast, smiled at her and said, "And for the breasts love that I've, I'm happy and content with this one"

He caressed it, smiled at her, and started kissing it like never before.

PS : Forgive if anything technical was mentioned wrong :)

Inspired from : P. Padmarajan's 'Shoorpanagha'

That bitch called LOVE

He no longer looked like the guy she knew. Those chubby cheeks aren't chubby anymore; the potbelly he had, is not visible. He looks fit, smart, amazingly charming and younger for a 30 year old except for the grey hair that started appearing round his hair and the goatee he possessed. For the person that she is who notices every single thing about him, these changes amazed her. Though she wondered how a person can change so much over an year's time,  these changes weren't actually 'changes' that anyone who just knew him would notice, and she wasn't someone who 'just knew'  him! Except for his physical appearance, and may be the love he had for her,  everything else remained intact. The charm, and the personality that he is, hasn't worn out, and she feared, she would fall for him all over again!

They have known each other for over 7 years and there was something about him that made her fall for him the moment they met! She had never thought that he's handsome or cute like the rest of the men she knew, but this guy had something worth tripping for. And may be, that something has made her want to meet him and  talk to him now after an year.

They both have moved on, literally. But for her, it was more of pretending to be moved on than it rather was!

They had now came to this unknown place to talk after ages, but he got involved in his daily  fitness training and she, as always, ended up watching him, than uttering a word. She realised, he has now become a fitness freak and may be that's to keep himself away from all the worries he had. She felt bad that she could never help him with his chaos, but instead added up to it, and that made them part like strangers! 

She was watching him without blinking wee bit until her eyes were filled. Watching him made her think, "Wasn't he the guy I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Don't i still want that? Will i ever be able to tell him what I feel?" 

She thought she would meet him, and  ask him whether they can be 'friends' again, but watching him this close made her realise that she can never do that; She still loves him and he's always more than a friend to her, and that bitter truth hurt her. She might never have expressed it to anyone, but the past one year without him was miserable for her. Deleting his pictures from her mobile phone or erasing his text messages and emails never helped her. Everything changed, but still the love she had for him didn't! 

He took an hour to wind up his training; he got freshened up and walked towards her. He sat next to her and started talking as if nothing happened ever between them. And she did what she always loved to do -  listen to him. He had indeed moved on a lot more than she did! and she's still there were they had left it!

She came to know that he has finally decided to get married, to someone else, of course. Good for him!  She told him even her parents have started looking out! Only if she hadn't made things tough for him with her insecurities and demands, life would have been easier for both of them and they didn't have to search for someone else to spend the rest of their lives with.

They got comfortable with each other all over again and shared a lot of things they haven't for the past one year, except for the things she wanted to tell him. For someone who didn't seem to have any feelings  for her, how would she say that she was sorry and wanted another chance? How would she tell him that she still loved him and wanted to be with him? She didn't mention anything and pretended as if she had moved on too.

After a while, they parted, for their surprise, with smiles on their faces! 

May be they would become friends again, or would never talk to each other. May be they would see again or would not meet at all. May be they would get married to each other or attend each other's wedding with someone else. And it all depended on how he wanted things to be, as her deeds had already made her lose the rights to take a decision on what they would be doing about 'their' future.

She got back to her world cursing  that bitch called LOVE who left her perplexed and made her look like a stupid, and insisted her to keep hope that someday he would call her back and everything would fall in place and may be the meeting they just had was a glimpse of what the future holds !