The night is eerily silent and I am wide awake, as my sleep pattern has gone for a toss. I sleep around 4AM, wake up at 11AM, sleep again post lunch and do pretty much nothing the entire day.
The world has been locked down, but has my life changed? Not exactly. I have always been a loner, or so I have become over the years, and being a freelancer has only made me more comfortable with my work and circumstances - I work from the comfort of my room to be precise and what more do you want? But now, for the past few days, I have been disturbed. Even though people are struggling to get themselves comfortable with the sitting-at-home routine, someone who has already warmed up to that is disturbed!
Is it the thought that when everyone is chilling, I still have to work? Or is it because I am a hypochondriac and I am constantly considering the possibilities of me being infected and spreading it to the world? Or the very thought that my home is now filled up with people even during the day that's making me restless? Possibly, all of that.
Everyday, I dream of becoming a better person - sleep and wake up early, drag my ass to the work station and finish off pending works (I am so grateful to my clients who are super patient even when I keep delaying work submission or make unwarranted excuses), eat healthy, work out a bit and get myself back to a fitness routine. But all of that remains as a dream, even today, even tomorrow.
Has depression hijacked my system all over again and do I have to go through all the pain AGAIN? Oh no! May be I am thinking too much, and this is just natural. May be I should meditate before I sleep.
Life isn't fair, you know! This life just isn't. You might be wondering why I am blabbering - FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS - when the entire world is literally crashing, praying and hoping to be alive the next day. But, see, to each their own. For me this is life. Each night is a struggle. To get that peaceful sleep, and days, where I push myself out of the bed and try to stay sane. For some of us, that's how life has turned out to be. And we don't fear death, but possibly death is damn afraid of us, even to touch us....
It's 0230AM in the morning. The night is still eerily silent. But my mind isn't. I can't sleep because it's noisy; I am deafened by its screams. May be I will close my eyes tight force myself to sleep, just like every other day, and wish not to wake up, to the struggle all over again - just like every other day.
The world has been locked down, but has my life changed? Not exactly. I have always been a loner, or so I have become over the years, and being a freelancer has only made me more comfortable with my work and circumstances - I work from the comfort of my room to be precise and what more do you want? But now, for the past few days, I have been disturbed. Even though people are struggling to get themselves comfortable with the sitting-at-home routine, someone who has already warmed up to that is disturbed!
Is it the thought that when everyone is chilling, I still have to work? Or is it because I am a hypochondriac and I am constantly considering the possibilities of me being infected and spreading it to the world? Or the very thought that my home is now filled up with people even during the day that's making me restless? Possibly, all of that.
Everyday, I dream of becoming a better person - sleep and wake up early, drag my ass to the work station and finish off pending works (I am so grateful to my clients who are super patient even when I keep delaying work submission or make unwarranted excuses), eat healthy, work out a bit and get myself back to a fitness routine. But all of that remains as a dream, even today, even tomorrow.
Has depression hijacked my system all over again and do I have to go through all the pain AGAIN? Oh no! May be I am thinking too much, and this is just natural. May be I should meditate before I sleep.
Life isn't fair, you know! This life just isn't. You might be wondering why I am blabbering - FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS - when the entire world is literally crashing, praying and hoping to be alive the next day. But, see, to each their own. For me this is life. Each night is a struggle. To get that peaceful sleep, and days, where I push myself out of the bed and try to stay sane. For some of us, that's how life has turned out to be. And we don't fear death, but possibly death is damn afraid of us, even to touch us....
It's 0230AM in the morning. The night is still eerily silent. But my mind isn't. I can't sleep because it's noisy; I am deafened by its screams. May be I will close my eyes tight force myself to sleep, just like every other day, and wish not to wake up, to the struggle all over again - just like every other day.
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