Because life is worth that pain.

Once in a while, switch off the AC and leave your windows open. And when it.rains, turn the fan off. Once in a while, leave your vehicle at home and ride a bicycle; another day, get walking to your destination. Once in a while, cook on your own with a lil fresh vegetables that haven't tasted refrigerator's cold bitterness. Once in a  while forget the nutrition and eat whatever you want, as much as you want; another day take a dip in the rain. Once in a while, leave your shoes at home, and wear chappals; walk bare foot in the garden and feel earthly. Once in a while, go to the roof terrace and sleep under the stars. Once in a while, leave the couch, sit on the floor and have your dinner. Once in a while, turn off your computer, television and radio throughout the day and read a book; keep your phone away for a day and meet a friend in real. Once in a while, take a day off work and go for a picnic. Once in a while, where hand woven clothes; plant a sapling in your backyard.Once in a while leave your wallet at home, pack your lunch to workplace. Once in a while, leave your ego behind and smile at a stranger. Once in a while, take your parents to their favorite place. Once in a while, celebrate your birthday at an orphanage. Once in a while, sweat, get tanned, feel raw and be human. Just once in a while, or even in a blue moon,enjoy the smallest but heavenly happiness life can offer. Because life is worth that pain. :)

That Undefinable Pain...

Have you ever felt that pain, something very intense? So intense that you fail to find a solution to tackle it. That pain which  occurs not necessarily due to extreme loneliness, or losing someone... But when you see a loved one in pain.... when you are constantly in touch with a soul that has everything but is in the most bizarre form of existence. When you end up counting days, live perplexed and remain skeptical about what would occur next. When nothing but negative energy surpasses your ability to cop with a given situation. When you know you can't do anything about it, but may be, just may be, pray... which you have always felt lame - to rely on an entity which never existed to you. When you drop that plan and repeatedly ask yourself, what can change the scenario to a certain level which would help everything associated to the pain.

When you literally think, discuss, eat and sleep on that thought of getting over this pain, from dawn to dusk. Sometimes unemotional, sometimes numb, sometimes extremely vulnerable. When all that you had considered 'pain' all through your life becomes nothing but just a notion of livelihood. When you live in a constant fear of getting shattered to an extent that would never bring you back to your normal self. When you become suspicious about even a minute positive thing that you think would be the sole reason behind changing your life forever.

As if you are standing at the other end of the tunnel, waiting for a stream of light that can illuminate your senses, and help you fix things ultimately, but as it approaches, the light is from a train that is going to eat your life and you'll be left just as a corpse with all your body parts smashed and destroyed to an unidentifiable peace of flesh....

That pain, undefinable yet intense and deep; that can't be shared nor have a solution for. That tears you apart, but still, somewhere deep inside you know, a phoenix is getting ready to arise from the ashes... 

Liberation of the Soul.

There  will be times when you enjoy everything around you - the sun, the stars, the waters, the skies,  the sands, the clouds, the plants, the colors, the paints, the nature, the times, the days, the years, and the people. You get everything you ask for, and there is only laughter and happiness around you. You love people, and everyone you meet. And then? And then you grow up. To one of those idiots who get lost in the chaos of the world’s unfair deals; who realize, everything you loved all those years was just a lie, specifically the people. You were so wrong dealing with them; you were deceived by the colors of the nature, you have never expected that it has a dark side too - a deep dark mouth which eats up the sane and happy side of you and leaves you traumatic.

You might have seen it all - love, rejection, separation, illness, disease, death, agony, heartbreak and a lot more. Some from others, and some from own experience. Now, you turn to find freedom from all the deceptions you have lived with, all through your life. You dream, of a better world, of better people and a better life. And in the long run, without even giving yourself a clue, you would have lost the ‘you’ which was another lie. 

You no longer find yourself surrounded by a lot of people. You have become less of a chatterbox than what you generally were; you talk only to a few people and slowly, you would learn you haven’t been talking at all, and even if you do, you find yourself having conversations only with people who tolerate rawness. In fact, you’ve found solace in being alone. You enjoy the little things in life; money no longer is the most important part of life. You start loving letters, words, phrases and sentences… paintings and sketches that never made sense to you… the kind of music which makes you smile all through the day and night… You think, re-think and over think… only about the smallest, craziest things in life that never thrilled you earlier and all the mental chaos have faded away. 

You start liking the raw side of people. The plain, raw side, where they no longer wear the mask of deception or run away from reality. Where they don’t just live to impress people, but show their true self. Where they lean towards someone else for a shoulder to cry when they actually want to cry, than to pretend that they are happy. Where they shout, scream, hit back and declare that they have been ridiculed. Where they call themselves worthless rather than portraying to be extraordinary. Where they live to live and not to exist. You like all of that anyway, because that’s exactly like what you now are - plain, raw flesh with a genuine soul that you consider human.

This phase might be the best phase of your life, as it offers you a lot more to explore - the naked side of life. This is the phase where you unknowingly seek liberation from all the things that had been troubling you all through your life. You are free now, to let go off all your fears, thoughts and insecurities. You’ve learnt to live, the way you exactly want, and nothing else matters to you anymore.

Emotional outbreaks no longer happen; people might say you’ve changed, they might call you cold, but you wouldn’t waste time listening to them or thinking about what they just said. You’re happy the way you are. And this phase is called, ‘Liberation of the Soul’. 

Birthdays... and all that..

What do birthdays remind you of?Gifts, phone calls, surprise parties,cake, boozing, dancing, celebrations. My definition was quite a bit that, until last year. But now, things have changed, apparently, to my surprise! That girl who used to crave for someone to make her feel special on this day, have stopped even thinking about all that! May be, that's what you call  a transformation - girl to woman. May be, some sort of realization that is... that you are not too special to be remembered on a certain special day. May be, the transformation from an emotional human  being to someone who is quite cold.  Yet to figure out, but not going to, as that's so much wastage of time.

Another year old, and a  lot of things have changed, most importantly the perception. It chills me to understand that I've not yet realized the purpose of my life as such. All i know is, I need to seek happiness, and pass it on. How to, is yet to be figured out.

And... wanderlust... the craving to travel and to explore... and to meet a lot of new people, learn more,  travel more, liberate....

Liberate.... liberate... that's exactly what I'm looking at.... to liberate...

At the age of 27, is it too late to seek liberation? Not possible? possibly not...coz nothing's impossible. Nothing is... and what does it take to liberate? Another episode to unveil...

PS: I'm literally not high.

The Wedding Toast

Everything is set. Dressing up's, make-up's, decorating the car – While a few are busy setting up the arrangements, the rest are in a hurry to reach the church. The ceremony begins in some time, and within a couple of hours, she will be the wife of the most eligible bachelor in town!

Butterflies in the stomach!

She turned to the mirror and looked at herself. There she saw someone extremely beautiful smiling at her.  Never ever did she really bother about how she looked all these days, but today is special. It’s her wedding day!

The pristine white gown and the tiara added to her beauty and she wondered whether she ever looked or would look as pretty as she did today.

The photographers and the bride’s maids surrounded her and there were flashes everywhere. Someone called out as they were getting late. She got into the car with that everlasting wide smile on her face.

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He in his sleek black suit looked fantabulous. He could easily give all those hunks in the B-town a run for their money any day with his charm and good looks. And today, all eyes are definitely going to be on him. All the pretty young women out there would suspire for not having him all for themselves.

On his way to the church, his thoughts slowly wound back to the day he first met her and henceforth.

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First day of college. Like every fresher, he was also skeptical about the things he would have to face daily apart from the lectures and assignments. Ragging topped them all. As he walked through the department, he could see many gangs who obviously looked like seniors here and there indulged in their set of ragging sessions. He knew his turn would come anytime from anywhere and he had already prepared himself for an attack.

The coffee addict in him forced him to go to the cafeteria and grab the cup of coffee for the hour. As he was waiting for his turn in the not-so-long queue, a group of guys surrounded him. It was his lot to get ragged. Though he was already ready for this, the things his seniors asked him to do did scare the hell out of him. Somewhere in between the whole ragging session, his eyes met another from a certain distance. That was her!

The fear on her face made it clear that she was a fresher too. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, and he could sense his fear fading in the air. He started doing everything his seniors asked him to do, though his eyes were stuck on her. He wished he could watch her like that all through his life.

After all the ragging, he got into his class, and to his surprise he found the same face somewhere in the crowd sitting next to his seat. He never believed in love at first sight, but this moment changed his idea of it. He was in love, with this woman, who he never knew would be standing next to him as the bride in the Altar this day.

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The car slowed down and he got off. The groom’s men accompanied him and all eyes were on this bunch of men who looked better than one another. But he was still the best among them all. Another car slowed past them and there comes the bride.

His heart skipped a beat. He could feel the same things he felt when he met her for the first time. The prettiest bride he has ever seen. She looked at him, passed a smile and that was it! He fell for her all over again!

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He doesn’t really remember how he managed to make her feel his love. It all began from passing notes and sharing pens. Like every other college-love-birds, from two total strangers to friends, to best of friends and then to the most celebrated couple in college- they went through it all. He could still remember the day he confessed his love to her. Second year exams and the fifth day of their combine studies, somewhere in the algorithms, he threw it on her. She looked stunned for a moment, looked into his eyes next and gave that smile he always went gaga over, as though she was waiting for this day. And the rest was history.

They loved, fought, loved again...  Together forever – that was sort of an oath they both took and they did live up to it. Their love was something everyone looked up to. Many were jealous too. How can two people love each other like that? – They wondered.

6 years never seemed long to them. After college she joined one of those MNCs and he decided to take up his father’s business. Both were busy but that never shook their relationship. The perfect relation anyone would want to have. The families were pretty convinced too and that is how they decided to get their children married to each other.

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The Altar was decorated for the wedding. The groom’s men accompanied the groom and the Priest. Down the center aisle, entered the bride’s maid, followed by the Matron of honor, the Best Man, and the ring bearer. Finally, the bride and her father entered and cheers spread everywhere. The guests stood and the Call to Worship began. After the Opening prayer, everyone took their seats. The two of them were stealing glances every now and then without giving a hint to anyone.

It took more than an hour for the ceremony to complete and finally it was time for the wedding vows. The bride and groom faced each other with smiles on their faces. Rings were exchanged and they were pronounced as husband and wife.

‘You may now kiss the bride’.

The bride blushed and the groom slowly gave her a peck. The Priest then presented the couple to the crowd and they rejoiced.

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Their first kiss was something that was imprinted in him. It was just another day and they were indulged in their regular conversation that included books, studies, family, friends, the movie they recently watched, the gift her father gave her, the restaurant they had lunch at the other day and many more. She loves to talk, and he was a great listener. She was busy blabbering about something that excited her and the excitement on her face made him go crazy. He could not stop himself but kiss her gently. It was unexpected to them both. They looked at each other for a moment, stunned and then kissed again. Their first kiss; the best one.

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The bride and groom slowly left the platform. She is married now and looked more than happy. He could not stop looking at her when she walked past him. He couldn’t move from where he stood until someone called him out to follow the couple. He was the Best man after all!

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That was probably the first time she walked out with tears. Their parents wanted them to get married at the earliest, but he was not ready for it yet. He did love her and wanted her to be his partner, but wasn’t really ready to take up the responsibilities at that point. It was an ultimate challenge for him to get married to her to prove his love for her. Of course, she was the best thing that had happened to him but, at the same time, he couldn’t imagine himself as a married man, looking after a family. He was too young to be that.  He panicked and that made the families argue. She wasn’t convinced with his reasons. He couldn’t win her over either. She walked out of his life. Her parents found a groom for her who was none other than his best friend. She thought his love wasn't as deep as she thought it was. She was hurt, but decided to move on.

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A year passed by. And it was too late for him to do something about it; he was clueless either. Now, she is married, to his best friend and he is their best man! The 6 long years they spent together now remain as memories inside him. The magical love is over. The couple everyone admired has parted their ways.

No one could ever understand him, not even himself. If at all he wasn’t afraid of the responsibilities, the groom and the best man would have switched their roles now. This day would have been the best day of his life. She would have become his woman, officially. He lost the chance forever. Now all that left with him was the moments he spent with her. That would keep him alive.

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A tear drop rolled down his eyes. He wiped it off immediately before anyone could notice. No one really did, except her. There will be no other man who would love her as much as he did and it was a reciprocated feeling. He would remain the best thing happened to her as well and they both knew it.

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Time for the wedding toast! He knew what he had to say, but no one else had a clue. Everyone was curious to hear him speak.

“When this man asked me to be his best man, I asked him Dude, why me?........” Thus he began.

The taste of ... betrayal

"Have you ever tasted betrayal?", he was curious. 

Her glowing face suddenly turned pale. She grabbed his cigarette, took couple of slow puffs and turned to him.

"I'm not too sure whether betrayal can sum up my whole experience. May be yes. But all I can tell you is, I was hurt a hundred times, and possibly that has made me emotionally numb." she paused.

"We could've avoided this conversation. Brings back many forbidden memories." she exclaimed.

"Oh! I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"No. Its absolutely okay. If you hadn't asked me this today, I'd have probably found it difficult to give you my answer for what you asked me the other day."

"Means?" he didn't want to hear what he feared would have followed.

"There's no room for romance in my life. Simple as that."

He was shocked. He never saw this coming.

"Never wanted to hurt you, neither did I want to give you false hopes"

But he didn't respond. He knew the taste of betrayal too and how hurt feels like. He remained silent; couple of smokes down he decided to wait, until she feels what he feels.

They didn't talk later that day and both went back to their rooms. He left with a piece of hope and she, with guilt for rejecting the one she loved.

Hurt, betrayal and the fear to face them all repeating all over again can make people irrational.

The Thing about Attachment

"What's attachment? How does it look like?" asked the curious little girl.

The grown ups were in a deep discussion about this phrase she had never heard of and no one really bothered to listen to her, except the old man. He turned to her, stood up from his chair, smiled at her, walked towards the study and asked her to follow him. They entered the room, he opened the drawer, took out two pieces of paper, one black another red, took some glue and went to the table.

He applied the glue on the black paper carefully and placed the red one over it and said, "This is attachment". He then pulled one paper and it easily came out. "But they are not attached yet", he continued. "Let's give them some time so that they get adhered properly".

The girl and the old man waited for sometime to get the adhesive dry off. After sometime, he pulled the papers again slowly but neither came off. "They are now attached, forever. But forever is not really forever", he said and pulled the two papers a little harder. They tore, with a little bit of black on red and red on black. 

"See, they lost their shape and would never look the same again, if not attached together."

The little girl felt bad for the papers. She loved the colors when they were placed together and now they lost their charm.

"This is the thing about attachment. It takes a while to get attached to each other and it would be too difficult to detach once attached together. May be an external force can, and that would tear them apart. Sometimes one will be intact, but the other will be totally destroyed, sometimes both will lose their shape and it all depends on the way they were attached and how the external force behaves on them", he paused.

"In the discussion outside and in reality, human beings are the papers and the external force can be feelings, misunderstandings, distance, ego or even a third party. The more attached and strong we are. unlike the papers, the lesser would be the external force's impact."

The girl looked perplexed and the old man continued, "you wouldn't understand this now, may be you will, someday, once you grow up, but never learn it the hard way and don't be one of those torn color papers."

Have you been there?

Have you been there?

Where you fall in love with someone as deeply as you could, believe that you will never fall for another person again, and then learn that may be that's possible too, but never as much as you loved this one person, fail miserably to stop thinking how beautiful it would be when you two get together, realize that it will never happen, fall for that same person again... over and over again... when you actually want to fall out of it... try again to be out of it and then learn to move on hiding the love somewhere deep inside, for your own good.... and then, during an unexpected moment, you meet a  random someone who makes you fall head over heels for him just like how it was earlier, drives you crazy and makes you fall in love all over again and you witness the same feelings repeating by itself... history repeating itself...

Have you been there?

If yes, post here the tips that you think will work. A good friend is in need.

Your's truly.

The Purpose of Life!

Many a time you fail to figure out the purpose of your life. It may not always be making money, or travelling around, or eating good food or living with parents or meeting as many people as possible. Something else, which you fail to give a thought on. You live with the flow, follow the majority and live your life the way others want. You study, but never learn. You find a job that satisfies the world's requirements. You get married at the 'right' age. You have kids 'before its too late'. And one day you die without knowing why you lived all those years. You might die happy, and you think that possibly be the purpose of your life, but if at all given a thought, you would have found something extraordinary as the purpose to have been alive.

Some go against the flow; they become what the world wouldn't want them to be. They would be the most ridiculed ones; the ones who take all the pain and tantrums from every nook and corner just because they want to pursue a dream and find a purpose to be alive. And one day they become successful and the rest of the world follow their path proclaiming that's the right thing to do. And the value for that 'purpose' gets devalued.

The world has a lot more to explore and the intelligence man possesses if used wisely can bring up way better things than what we have now. If only we knew that the path every Tom, Dick and Harry choose is not always the right thing to do; there's something called 'passion' and that has to be treated well; each one of us would have had a better reason to smile than just sit, watch, appreciate and idolize one or two who have actually done it with their lives. Its good to try, but to try for what's worth takes a lot of courage!

Women are NOT safe in India, But why?

Rape, molesting and human trafficking have now become a common thing as well as a term that has been discussed quite often. People come up with various reasons on why women get raped or molested. And the major reason being ‘men’, of course! But, I would want to see it from another perspective and through that, I would say, the reason behind all these mishaps are ‘women’ on first place. Now, you might be pointing fingers at me asking how, being a woman, can I say that! Well, you have not yet gotten the whole perspective!

Women travelling alone during odd hours, their skimpy clothing, boozing, or hanging out with men are NOT my reasons. I always believe that, like men, women also should have their freedom and power to take decisions. Now, I will tell you why I said women cause rape. Well it is simple. Let’s consider this scenario. A girl got raped at some part of the country. We all will feel bad for her, and will panic too, and then, turn towards the women in our house and neighborhood. The next thing we would do is PREACH showing this as an example on why women are NOT supposed to be alone or independent on first place.

Women would get the shock of their lives and would pledge that they won’t let themselves go through the same thing as the ‘victim’ did. No one wants to be victimized you see! But then, what about those who have no other choice but go out during odd times to earn their bread and butter? They would be asked to sit at home?

What’s been happening is that, once news on rape gets widespread, women take precaution- not to step out of their house. And the ones who do, get targeted and this would become a trend. Every woman would gradually sit at home, no child will be allowed to go to school; girls will be getting married at a tender age and we would eventually go back to the era where women would be used as tools for man’s pleasure and for doing household chores. Only because we are AFRAID; afraid of getting raped! Because men won’t change, so women better handle it this way. And we have been fighting for ages for equality!

I would say nothing should stop us, women. We should rather gain courage and fight this out, together. Don’t stop yourself from stepping out of your houses; get yourself free from all the thoughts and the morons around. Independence is what we have been craving for, after all! As the number of women in the streets increase, no matter what time of the day it is,things would be safer,  is what I feel! Don’t panic when something goes wrong, have the courage to react.

Both men and women, instead of preaching your daughters, sisters, wives and daughter in laws to sit at home, teach them to REACT. Tell them that the precaution to save is NOT closing themselves up or not wearing something they are comfortable in. Teach them defensive methods; make them stronger. Tell them that they don’t belong to any weaker section; they are strong too in their own ways.

And women, you can learn from others mistakes, but backing out is NOT a remedy. Fight it out. Because, no one has the authority over you. The more you panic, worse things will be.You don’t have to ask for independence from anyone, you are born free. Get rid of your fear, and go out whenever you want. You are no one's slave. Its ok to take chances. Practice the things mentioned above and fly high!