Well, one thing I am sure of is that most of the people who have interacted with me wouldn't agree in various levels to my statement that I am an introvert. But, trust me when I say this, I AM A HUGE ASS INTROVERT who shows the wild side of me only to those who I am comfortable with and that can be subjective too.
Now, defining the term 'comfortable'. You may not be comfortable with the same person all the time. Being someone who has umpteen thoughts going on inside your head all the time, there will be times you think of being judged silently, misunderstood or getting bullied and that thought itself makes you uncomfortable. You may not be in the best of comfort if the person you are most comfortable with is accompanied by another, who could indeed be someone you are comfortable with in a different situation. The level of comfort varies from person to person, from situation to situation and no two people could keep you comfortable and help you be yourself, with exceptions, of course. And that makes you feel out of place and zone out very easily.
Another issue is with the 'wild' you. The coolest version of yourself may not come in public often, but once it does, people are sure in for some great entertainment. But then again, there is always this thought of being overly enthusiastic and attracting jerks (oh yeah, that always happens). Sometimes, just to survive in this world, you pretend to be a joyful enthusiastic person, and every time you do that, you regret. You feel like you are living a lie and prefer not wanting to impress anybody. You would want to go back to your shell but cannot coz you have given a wrong idea about yourself and its too late.
The worst is when you need to be in a group and pretend to enjoy what's been happening. Because sometimes your excuses to avoid parties and get-togethers may not work and you have to participate and that's like a judgement day to you. Surrounded by enthusiastic people who can just attract anybody by their charm, you feel that you are invisible. No matter how much ever you try to hold on conversations, you cannot because you aren't interesting enough and that thought kills you inside. This may not be true but that's what you would believe. After every parties, you wish someone noticed you as well, and had some soulful conversation with you, but when you realise that's not the crowd you are in, all you want to do is run away and hide.
Another problem is that you cannot communicate in the right way. Either you end up being misunderstood, or offensive, OR would never be taken seriously. You are either blunt or too polite to be understood. These affect your peace of mind but even communicating that would end up wrong.
You would be someone who prefers to stay in your shell because 'people' scare the shit out of you. You think too much before you say something, yet end up saying the wrong stuff. You are offensive, as all that matters to you is your comfort zone. You wouldn't sometimes be even comfortable with your best friend, because you don't even know if that person feels the same way too or is silently plotting to get rid of you.
Meeting new people is a nightmare as you wouldn't know how you are gonna hold a conversation with. You feel obliged to talk, but as long as there isn't something that interests you, all you would do is stare at eternity.
Being an introvert isn't easy. You wish to be something else throughout your life, but you know you can't be as interesting as others are and you may not be anyone's favorite. You accept it and move on. But still, the struggle of interacting with people remains and that in itself is a task.
Now, defining the term 'comfortable'. You may not be comfortable with the same person all the time. Being someone who has umpteen thoughts going on inside your head all the time, there will be times you think of being judged silently, misunderstood or getting bullied and that thought itself makes you uncomfortable. You may not be in the best of comfort if the person you are most comfortable with is accompanied by another, who could indeed be someone you are comfortable with in a different situation. The level of comfort varies from person to person, from situation to situation and no two people could keep you comfortable and help you be yourself, with exceptions, of course. And that makes you feel out of place and zone out very easily.
Another issue is with the 'wild' you. The coolest version of yourself may not come in public often, but once it does, people are sure in for some great entertainment. But then again, there is always this thought of being overly enthusiastic and attracting jerks (oh yeah, that always happens). Sometimes, just to survive in this world, you pretend to be a joyful enthusiastic person, and every time you do that, you regret. You feel like you are living a lie and prefer not wanting to impress anybody. You would want to go back to your shell but cannot coz you have given a wrong idea about yourself and its too late.
The worst is when you need to be in a group and pretend to enjoy what's been happening. Because sometimes your excuses to avoid parties and get-togethers may not work and you have to participate and that's like a judgement day to you. Surrounded by enthusiastic people who can just attract anybody by their charm, you feel that you are invisible. No matter how much ever you try to hold on conversations, you cannot because you aren't interesting enough and that thought kills you inside. This may not be true but that's what you would believe. After every parties, you wish someone noticed you as well, and had some soulful conversation with you, but when you realise that's not the crowd you are in, all you want to do is run away and hide.
Another problem is that you cannot communicate in the right way. Either you end up being misunderstood, or offensive, OR would never be taken seriously. You are either blunt or too polite to be understood. These affect your peace of mind but even communicating that would end up wrong.
You would be someone who prefers to stay in your shell because 'people' scare the shit out of you. You think too much before you say something, yet end up saying the wrong stuff. You are offensive, as all that matters to you is your comfort zone. You wouldn't sometimes be even comfortable with your best friend, because you don't even know if that person feels the same way too or is silently plotting to get rid of you.
Meeting new people is a nightmare as you wouldn't know how you are gonna hold a conversation with. You feel obliged to talk, but as long as there isn't something that interests you, all you would do is stare at eternity.
Being an introvert isn't easy. You wish to be something else throughout your life, but you know you can't be as interesting as others are and you may not be anyone's favorite. You accept it and move on. But still, the struggle of interacting with people remains and that in itself is a task.
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