And a cigarette butt...

"Destiny is what you choose" is an overrated statement. You don't necessarily get what you choose; you don't always become what you want to be. A cigarette 'butt' never chose to be a 'butt'. It never wants to be thrown away nor does it love to be smashed and torn. Once highly-demanded cigarette is destined to become ashes and 'butt' that ends up in the soil. It never chose its unfortunate destiny. No one ever wants to store a useless cigarette butt. But, she did; though a non-smoker she is, she saved it as if her life was in turn preserved inside it. It followed her wherever she went. There was an unknown, unseen bond between her and that cigarette butt. That butt which carried a unique odor that only she could recognize - the odor of her man.

Every time she meets him, she collects a cigarette butt and replaces the old one. All she wanted was the fresh odor - of her man. Each replacement would be a compassionate farewell. Flower bouquets, funerals and goodbyes - the cigarette butts had peaceful deaths.

5 replacements down. She waited for the next replacement.

Weeks passed by. Months and then years. The last cigarette butt hasn't been replaced yet. The butt wore off, so did she. Their companionship has now become a wait for the replacement. The odor has all gone now. The left over was just a recall to the past. They both waited - the cigarette butt for a peaceful death and the lady, for the same.

Never did the cigarette butt know that it wouldn't ever be replaced. Nor did she realise that she, the one who treated the cigarette butts he left as how she would treat him, for him, was just a cigarette butt.

Their lives halted and his moved on with so many cigarette butts smashed in the soil.

What the society thinks unmarried women do and what we actually do!

Our society (read Indian) works such a way that one needs to run his/her life according to its preset rules. It decides when you should - start dating, get married, have sex, have babies- the list goes on. It doesn't just end up with when's... Don't take me wrong, the society not just interferes in your relationship maamla alone...  There are who's, what's why's, where's and how's too... Like, who your friends be, who your friends' parents be, who you should be with, what you should be doing with your life, where you should be working, where your parents should be,  how your life has to be and most importantly, why you should be like everyone else and lead a stereotypical life. It gets tougher each and every year because a digit gets added to your age every year. And if you dare not  to follow the rules, you are anti-social; you need help coz you are a psychotic! 

I know, men might have their own worries on those lines, but here, I wanna let out my share of frustration, being a woman surviving in this society. The laws say u can get married at the age of 18. But the society has kept a cut off of 22 which has now thankfully been raised to 25 (forcefully). That's the only  good thing society gave women. But, if u don't get hitched by that age, you are gonna face severe consequences. 

A woman past 25, unmarried and single...  If she is being nice to people that's to get attention. If she smiles at you, that's a hint... If she comes home late or goes for parties, she was getting laid. If she talks loud or defends herself, she definitely has someone to protect her - a married, rich, powerful man. If she earns more than your son does, she is a hooker. If she gets appreciation at work, she has been sleeping with her boss. And the best of all - She has not gotten any guy obviously and hence she is horny, easily available and can be hit on anytime with hardly any pickup lines. If she has male friends, she is horny, easily available and a slut too. If those male friends are married, then, she is horny, easily available, a sluts and a vamp too.

If a woman is single, that's because she chose her life to be that way; she hasn't found the man who she thinks could be compatible with her. If she decides not to get married, she has left her life free from getting fucked. If you believe that a woman's life gets a meaning only wen she could surrender herself to some man, live according to his will and satisfy his desires, that's your bloody problem and I think the mentioned situation is  the worst that can happen to any human being. She does think about sex like everyone else, but that doesn't mean she is horny and any Tom or Harry's dick can get her. If you give her that seductive look or touch her the way you shouldn't,and she still doesn't react, that's only because she didn't know it was your hint to get her laid !!! 

If you preach us that one needs someone to take care of him/her for the rest of their lives, then  I would want to mention the number of divorces that's been increasing each  year; Children no longer take care of their parents, coz they don't have time to,so i'd like to mention the increase in the number of home nurses and old-age homes too. 

We may have male friends, they might be married but  you should know that we would be friends with their spouses too. Stop giving us that 'you are a vamp' look. We are NOT horny and are not looking for someone or the other to 'do' it. You need to know that you are making things tough for us. Stop making us feel so insecure whenever we are up to something or interact with men! 

Listen up people! Please give us a break!  Once and for all... We have a fucking life  too! SO please stop assuming! 

That fear!

There would be days when you feel so low but wouldn't know why that's for. You would really want to talk to someone or cry out loud, but cannot for the same reason - you have no clue what all those are for!

There would be times when no matter how cold you become, the 'emotional' you comes out for no particular reason. You would sit idle wondering what's wrong. You would think, think and re-think on what would have gone wrong, but still wouldn't get an idea. You would end up concluding on something, but that may not be the actual reason.

There would be moments when you realize you have gotten closer to someone, and feel an emotional attachment with that person, when you have deliberately stopped yourself from doing it. You would realize certain things are not under your control and certain people are so good that you cannot stop yourself from being with them. All these would happen when you have forcefully learnt to live on your own, with no one around, or in the absence of the most loved person. You might be all cool with everything, but this one person would have managed to get you out of that comfort zone, knowingly or unknowingly. You would ask yourself what's happening with you, why can't you act cold or rude here, why did this certain someone become one major priority, and you would never have an answer.

All these would drive you nuts, especially when the other is unaware what's going inside your head. You would crave for an opportunity where you can tell yourself this person doesn't mean anything to you, but miserably fail. You would do everything to get back to the cold person that you were, but would fail again.

You would think too much and start panicking. You would be afraid of losing this person or getting hurt all over again. You would keep asking yourself lots of why's, when's, how's and what's, but would never get an answer. This would be something you always wanted to avoid, but then, you would witness it happening to you with no prior notification You would do all possible things to keep away from this person, but you would know, you have ended up thinking more than usual.

May be, the only solution for all these would be, getting hurt all over again, which would mold you to an even stronger person. 

The problem is....

Every time, every single time, us, not all of us, but, most of us keep cribbing how unfair life is to us. Though we all know there are people who suffer more than we do, we just ignore that and keep sulking. And with all that luxury we have, which by no means our sweat but provided by our parents (Indians you see!) we crib for a break up, a fight with a friend, being jobless etc etc. (Well, I do that, quite a lot.) And all these cannot be solved! Whaaaaaaaaaa!

When I whine about the 24*7  pain I am going through and stop myself from doing work or couple of things saying that would hurt me further, I see people doing the same with the same problem, for a living. Coz they don't have the luxury as I do. I feel so bad, you know!

And then, a lot among us who are struggling and have reached somewhere from no where and are still struggling with a smile on their faces. Coz they wanna fight it over, they don't have time for bullshit. We respect them, but have we ever tried to be like them? NO! If we did, life would have been way better!

I'm not saying we should compare our problems with others, everyone's got their bit of crap to deal with, but then, how we deal it matters. Sitting and crying never helps. Fight it out. Win over! Live life to the fullest! I think I have started following that rule, and I know how amazing it is! May be, we all can  try that out and feel a less miserable! :-) 

Why is Jiah Khan still the talk of the town?

More than a week since she passed away, Jiah Khan still fills in the newspaper columns and  now here boyfriend too, I would want to take her case as an example for why one has to live. She should be considered a closed chapter I agree, but discussing about it can help people who are blinded in love is what I believe. We all go through this phase where we are blinded by that notion called 'love' where we tend to do anything, live and die for one person who might turn out to be the wrong choice through course of time. 

But then, at one point we need to realise, life is far more than the fantasies and fairy tales and B-town movies, life doesn't deserve to be ill treated, and once that's been realised, one learn to LIVE and respect life. One's life shouldn't revolve around someone else, we have lived before that one person and should learn to live without at some point however hard it be - that's the ultimate point.

"We all fall for the wrong guy/girl at some point in our life — some more wrong than others — but most of us find a way to fall right out. Romance is perhaps the most dangerous delusion, especially for young girls who are raised on a steady diet of fairytales, Bollywood movies and romance novels that valourise the all-consuming love affair, teach girls to hold out for Mr Right, wait for their 'one true love.' But in real life, Prince Charming often turns out to be the villain, or at least an uncommitted cad. And greater a young girl’s need for grand passion, the more likely she is to attract a parade of Mr Wrongs who exploit that yearning. Women who live to love as opposed to love to live are doomed to unhappiness." (Copied) And that's one major lesson for life.

Friends, family, love, education, knowledge, books, movies and society - everything does make an impact on a person, agree, but I would say, that's not the ultimate reason for why you are what you are. No one else can control your thought process or decisions, but yourself. If I decide to do something, how would that be the result of what the society or family had fed me? Being a human, being an individual, don't I have the sense or logic or reasonable thinking process to choose between right and wrong? Of course, right and wrong are concepts and it varies from person to person, but living your life is the right thing to do, not killing oneself and that's one universal fact. In Jiah's case,  what I don't understand is, if the mother and her family knew about this guy and have seen him torturing her, then why didnt they take the case to the police or take necessary actions, instead of blaming the guy or his father, for that matter! Wonder who has to be blamed here!

Girls often get carried away by false hopes and faked or sometimes unrequited love, being a girl I can say it better.  But does that always mean the guy has to be blamed? From my personal experience, I can say, I've gone both - how fake love affected me and how torturing I was in an unrequited love scene! 

 When a girl acts irrational and insane because she never got back at least a portion of the love she gave, no one really stops to listen to what the guy has to say. He might have tried, but not as much as she expected; he might have been practical unlike her. Girls generally act dumb when blinded in love, play the insecure, possessive, sensitive, emotional, bugging kinds, making the guy go nuts and vulnerable leading him to call it off. I am not saying this is what happens always, but this is one of those cases. Girls in love can mostly be the most dangerous and guys tend to escape from what's been happening to him... May be, she might have led him behave like 'this does not matter to me any longer' or may be he's the one who is actually wrong. But without knowing what's actually happened, no one can blame him for whatever he has done. (been there done that :D)

Take this is an experienced person talking, that love is not all. Treat it as a part of life, not a reason to live. One need love to survive, true that, and that love doesn't generally mean romantic; it can be what you share with parents, siblings or friends... Killing oneself is never a solution no matter what one is going through. And the day one accepts it and decide to live the life with no delusion that one need romance to survive, life turns out to be the best thing that can ever happen.

Lastly, killing oneself doesn't prove how much you love someone. If you really love someone, you shouldn't do anything that would affect him all through his life... If you consider it as  revenge, then again, the best revenge is to LIVE better and show him that you are fine without him!

With all respects to Jiah Khan, and as I am no one to say what she did was right or wrong, I find her case as an eye opener to most of us out here, and learn from what she has gone through, because learning from others' experience is better than going through the same to learn; may her soul rest in peace!

Attention Men!

So, I see a lot of guys talking about how pestering,  nagging, cribbing, bugging and irritating their girl friends are. They even say, 'things were so good when we were friends'. But they never really try to think what made them change. Guys, have you ever given a thought on why these ladies are so stereotypical when it comes to relationships or commitments? I know, you guys have a lot of reasons like 'she was never like that/i had made things clear in the beginning itself/ she was ok with everything/ she's not giving me space/ she's very possessive/ she doesn't understand/  she tend to intrude in everything' blah blah blah! But here are the things you should know about women in general before taking the next step.

• We, women, are 'women' coz you men are always 'men'! 
• We never really expect too much, we expect you to give us what you used to, initially, be it time, money or anything, coz you have already proved that you can deliver them and there's no excuse from not giving them later. 
• We don't understand because you don't tell us anything. 
• We tend to panic when you  are in trouble, not coz we aren't strong enough, but we love you and care for you.
• We wouldn't mind if you hang out with other gals until you have a 'past' of  dating multiple gals or we having a past of being with someone like that.
• We appreciate you being truthful, which includes loyalty too.  
• We are possessive coz we know you better and how inclined you are to hotness. 
• We don't mind you spending time with your friends, office, cricket or football until you spend equal time with us.
• We become pestering not because we love to do that, but instead, we love you and we want you to be the one we always knew.
• We ask for your passwords, we check your phone sometimes,we read through your messages. It's obvious we would dig into your past, so you should make sure that things are so normal that nothing would make an awkward moment between us.
• If we hate a friend of yours, preferably female, do anything and everything to make us like them. Don't  ask us how to, just do it on your own.
• We prefer meeting up and talking to you over phone for hours. We make time and  can  sacrifice anything and everything for that, so, your 'impossible' and 'no time for all that' doesn't really register.
• If we can think about you 24/7, we expect you to do the same too, but if that's not practical, tell us, we might try to understand.
• There's nothing in the world that we don't understand unless it is conveyed the right way and in the right tone. 
• When we ask something, we expect a straight reply, mostly 'yes' or 'no' right then, not beating around the bush or 'we will talk about it later'
• We don't mind you watching cricket or football until you are okay with us watching soaps or romantic movies sometimes.
• We would  love your friends and parents, until you do the same with ours.
• (Adults only) We don't have sex unless we are assured that we are the only one who you are having sex with you at that particular point.
• We become emotional quite a lot, coz  you are the only person to whom we show that side of ours. Learn to respect.
• We are generally insecure, either because of the previous relationship we had,  or we know how our male friends treat their GFs or how our female friends are treated by their BFs and we don't the same to happen with us (the wrong doings i mean)
• When we say we would do something, we never back out, until you change your mind
• We are generally confused souls, deal with it.
• We do have problems when you keep in touch with your ex, and  we never hide it. You know why your ex became an ex  and hence we don't expect them to be anywhere in your present or in your life to be precise.. 
• We think too much and imagine stuff that are never real, but that's how we are. We can't help it. 
• We do agree where we have a lot of  negatives, but you have them too, we tend to see your positives only and we expect you to do the same too.
• We love shopping, that shouldn't bother you much as long as you love cricket or football! 
• We can do anything for you, all we expect in return is a bit of your time, some love and care.

PS: Dedicated to someone once was very special ;-)

PPS: These are certain things guys never try to understand and I wish reading this throws some light, and if someone comes up with an 'Attention women' post as a counter, I would really  appreciate it and would be happy to know about how men think too and most importantly, that there are people who gets influenced by my posts ;) 

Cochin- You beauty, I'm so gonna miss you!

A romantic inclination towards someone - a hardcore one that is - makes you do possibly everything under the sun and you would even travel miles to start a new life or whatever. Well, GVM movies portray a guy flying to USA, but in real life, may be, from Trivandrum to Cochin can work. You would have a lot of hope, dreams and expectations until you are stuck with the reality - that reality though hard to accept would change your world upside down after the encounter. That's exactly what happened to me or may be something close to all that! A series of unexpected events through out an year and a half, had left me fall for this city more than I always did.

Apart from the usual making new friends, visiting new places, learning new things, the overall experience changed me bit by bit, which I still can't figure out whether it was for good or bad. Travelling alone, dealing with life alone, making friends and then their part in my life and my part in their life, heart breaks, night outs, second shows, long drives and rides, parties and after parties, birthdays and weddings, there were a lot to celebrate, or may be not. But the whole point is, we celebrated life :)

Falling in love with the same old person all over again, waste of time realisation, a newly found love which turned out to be quite another tragedy - that comprises the romantic side. Or in short, there was no romance at all, which is surprisingly not a new thing.

And what did I learn from life - a lot, again! The overall perspective about life changed over night literally. What we think is good may be bad to someone else, and right - wrong! There's in fact no good or bad, no right or wrong, no this or that. It's an individual's choice on how to live his/her life until he/she is hurting someone else. I think that's the most important thing I learnt and I would want to live by it through out.

The best part was indeed some amazing people I met who just made the roller coaster ride an easy one and worth the effort :-) not gonna name anyone as it's very cliche throughout my blog, nor am I gonna diplomatically say 'everyone was equally important'. There were indeed some for who I even vouch my life, and I guess they all know that I mean it when I say this.

 As the bizarre life comes to an end, I just have nothing but a lot of memories to carry along with me all through me life. No sorrys or thank yous because they are done and dealt with. Each day was a new experience and a new lesson, and that was the beauty.

 PS: Kahawa, Pai brothers and Ming's wok will be terribly missed more than anything or anyone. :'(

Musings of a single, 26 year old woman!

How would it feel when something which was always yours - the thing you've been pampering and considering your own for ages, the thing you would never wanna share, not even with your best buddy... that one thing you'd give your life for.... suddenly goes stolen. Like, you would never find it ever! THAT feeling is quite unexplainable !! Well, lil close to it is what I feel when AAAAALLLLLLL my friends get married! No, really! I might sound quite lame here, but the truth has always been bitter!

No matter how much we claim that friendship's not gonna change when someone else come into your life, there's no intruding and all that, it always come to one thing - close to THE END. Everything becomes so stereotypical. Your friend finds a guy or a gal, they start dating, then get married, you would be happy for them, but then, you know, you are slowly losing them.

Things get worse if the friend is from the opposite gender and when you are single. :/ You'd been spending half of your life with this one person, and suddenly he gets a partner to hang out with, to visit your favorite restaurants, his phone has a new number to  dial on, his bike now has a new  pillion passenger... You'd be there as his friend for life, but everything would have changed. You know they have moved on, 'coz they have a life to deal with, you know everything, but still that 'missing him' will remain, probably until you find a person, your love.... This might be in simple words can be called as 'being selfish', but then I think this is  quite a common issue mostly every friend would be facing!

Weddings, marriages and all that do ruin quite a lot good relations...  At the age of 26, and still being single, I wonder what all is in store! :/

Parents and girls - the bond!

There were times, I mean, not just a few times, but almost all through my life in fact, I'd thought my parents are against me. They don't love me and don't want me to live my life the way I want. I often used to ask them whether they need my life too to live, for themselves. I used to be very angry at them, for not sending me to join a fashion designing institute, but to an engineering college instead; irritated at them for not giving anything I want. And there were times when I used to HATE them for not being the kind of parents I want!!

But now, when I retrospect, I feel sorry for all the misconceptions I had. I feel guilty for being rude to them. When I look back and see the things they did for me - starting from the day I was born!

Though they wanted  their second child to be a boy, they didn't go for a foeticide or kill me once I was born, knowing that their wish didn't come true! They didn't ill treat me, instead grew me up like a boy. They gave me all the luxuries, send me to the best school.. Taught me cycling, and then to ride a bike, and drive a car.

They didn't get me married at the age or 18 or so, but instead let me study! They send me to an engineering college to give me the best of education, but I was the one who screwed it up. Though they weren't happy, they allowed me to choose the job I want, and move to the place I loved. They hardly asked me who my friends are, nor did they question my relationship with the umpteen male friends I've. They gave me the best medication whenever I fell ill, gave me the best food which is obvious ;) and got me almost everything I asked for.

I'm 26 now, but never did they force me get married to any Tom, Dick or Harry just because the society was asking them to. Never did they ask me what sort of life I spend here, whether I started smoking or boozing. Though they oppose at times, never have they forced me not to do something that I love.

And all these when I realize, I feel so guilty, for all the hatred I had, for all the mishaps, for all the torture. They had their own reasons and I had mine, and no one really bothered to understand each other and that's when things go wrong. Now, I learnt to understand my parents and hence I'm happier than how I used to be.   *touchwood*

I tell them almost everything I do, they may not like it but still they don't really attack on me. And probably, I believe there would be more females who would be thinking the same way as I used to, and I'd suggest them to think the way I did before they complain about their parents.

You always get to fix things you've broken, you always get a chance to know fellow human beings, use it wisely and be a better person than what you were yesterday! :-)

An open letter to 'relatives' across the world

Dear relatives,

It's been great to have you guys around to show the rest of the world the strength of our family... However, I would like to mention a few things people like me, always wanted to let you people know, on your 'moral policing' especially, though we never got a chance to. There would be many, who want to say these, so here you are! A few of those things we really wish you knew!

1. Engineering and medicine are not the only career options!
2. What to wear, what not to, how to style up etc are absolutely our discretion.
3. We don't want  to be compared with other's kids. If you dare,compare us with yours!
4. If we drop our course, we have better plans for our life - well that's what we believe, and we really want you to believe that too (in case you are so concerned about it)
5. Tattoo, body piercing were invented by our forefathers, so never every complain saying its a 'bigda hua new trend'
6. As long as you worship Gods who had 18,000 wives or used to smoke up or cheated around, you just can't question our moral side. 
7. Guys and girls can indeed be friends and share platonic relation, so stop injecting negative thoughts into their head.
8. If you are on our Facebook friends list, be grateful that we didn't ignore. And if we are posting stuff that you can view, that would mean we are not hiding anything.
9. Before judging us from our Facebook profile that your kid just showed you, do keep an eye on theirs!
10. Gals and guys sitting together doesn't make it obvious that they are sleeping together as well. 
11. Speeding a vehicle is not always rash driving. 
12. Our age and relationship status is nothing of your concern. Anyway, our parents think we are still kids, so do we!
13. Not everyone who's unmarried has physical/mental sickness, nor do they need a character check.
14. Not everyone working at Wipro, Infy, or Microsoft are happy.
15. We don't have guy friends/gal friends... we just have FRIENDS
16. We are not bothered about our friends' family background, nor do we want anyone else to investigate on it.
17. We are Not dating every opposite sex friend that we have. 
18. We have our parents and friends to match ourselves up with someone. You please take care of  your own business.
19. Not getting pregnant after 3 months of our marriage doesn't make us infertile!
20. Don't judge us as long as you haven't spend time with us.
21. We love our parents, we don't want your approval.
22. We don't need your consent nor opinion before taking any decision! 
23. We are not concerned about you life and we expect the same back.
24. We don't live to impress you  or your folks.

Arrghhh....  if I keep discussing about their concerns, I'll go nuts. So stopping  here as of now.

PS: This doesn't mean my relatives, all of them, are jobless... Well some of them are... others are awesome :D :D

PPS: Applicable for neighbours as well!