Growing up, it never occurred to me that I was/am ugly. I think that's the beauty of convent schools - they have strict rules on what to wear and what not to during school hours - be it jewelry, makeup or even nail-polish. Everyone looked almost the same in their uniforms. There was, however, discrimination, based on size and skin color, but that's a story for another day.
But this thing about beauty was highlighted when I got into a co-ed education system. I was certainly one of the ugliest. The third wheel. The nobody.
Imagine being treated like you are nothing during your peak teen years! The worst is, I started accepting it too, because my big breasts and huge ass were already topics during family meetups.
Dark circles. Sunken eyes. Dark and pigmented skin. Teeth gap. Dark lips. Huge nose. Ugly enough, right? Heck! I didn't even know how to smile for a picture!
Even when I looked decent in pics, I was told, that's because I am just photogenic. Which I believe even today.
So, ugly girls aren't supposed to fall for good looking men, right? And I made that mistake not once, but quite a few times. Ofcourse I was rejected, but I ended up believing that's coz I was not good looking.
I was even sarcastically labelled a "catfish" recently by someone I met online, because my 30+ self does not look like how I was in my 20s. Wait, what? So, do you mean I wasn't ugly then, but only now? 😷
Now, I have started to learn that after all, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" and certainly, beholders I come across do not have basic sense about beauty 🌝
I have resumed clicking selfies now after that long period of hating my face and self and I kind of like what I see on my screen.
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