All through my life, I thought, like everyone else, that I'm the main character, and that's where the conflicts in my life begun. It took me 35+ years to realize the most important reality of my life - It's everyone else's world and I'm just living in it!
I've never been anybody's Numero Uno! My best friends from all the schools I have studied in had other best friends. My best friends in my adult-life also had other best friends. My parents had a favorite child and that wasn't me. (Ironically, my sibling thinks I was my parents' favorite, LOL) The first boy I got into a relationship with, had many girlfriends 🤣🤣🤣 All the boys I fell for and rejected my love have friendzoned me because they had solid relationships going on in the background, but all of them refused to share it with me, leaving me expecting them to reciprocate someday. I was kept in the dark. I have been a third wheel since time immemorial for all my girl friends. All the workplaces I have been it, no matter how hard I worked, and gave the best, felt I could have contributed further more. I was never enough. I never was. And I struggled, in all of these scenarios, to be the Number 1 choice. Through subtle manipulation to emotional blackmailing - I tried it all! (None of that was intentional) Because, how come I not be the Number 1 in a world where I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER?
And then, I slowly started hitting me that maybe I am not the main character. And I accepted it, and put myself in the sideline and accepted it as my fate - to survive in their world as a side character. To be honest, I easily gelled into the whole situation. Yes, it was super easy. Expectations drastically came down and I was also ready to take the bullets for all the main characters, because that's what the side ones do, right?
This acceptance kind of started changing something in my life altogether. I started getting attention which I stopped seeking for. A few people started calling me their best friend, (I didn't even think I was important to them), I have more true, caring and understanding friends than I ever did, the boy I had a crush on said he has a crush on me ( fleeting moment, and he refused to accept it later, but I take it), some random guy called me beautiful (LOL), someone called me I am the elder sister she never had and look up to me, my parents started appreciating everything I do for them, people volunteered to listen to my rants, even random toddlers smile at me and wanted to spend time with me (That's new! I have only intimidated them until then), my employers said they like me and my work... I mean, all of it started changing, out of the blue, and I think that's because I left the main character energy into the oblivion.
But the problem is, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE! I ended up thinking people are just bluffing, or doing it for the social media, or are being manipulative... When there are more than two people in a room including me, and there is a talk on SHE/HER pointing at me, I have, more than once, been shaken and surprised because "how come they noticed me? Am I not invisible?" And guess what! I end up intimidating all of them, shooing them away, mistrusting them, and believing that all of these are temporary. I mean how come people appreciate me, I am not the main character of this story!
But now, I think it's about time, I accept that I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER OF MY STORY AND I AM ALSO LIVING IN OTHER PEOPLE'S WORLDS WHERE THEY ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS. That's the reality of it all, ain't it? Maybe I should just start accepting the love that's been poured my way instead of rejecting it saying I don't deserve it. I deserve everything good that's coming my way, and learn to embrace it. It could be temporary, but enjoy it while it lasts!
And I am writing this not just to validate myself and my feelings, and all the validation that's coming my way, and be grateful about it, but also to tell YOU that stop thinking like I did. You are important, and you are loved and seen too. YOU ARE VALID! And most importantly, the ONLY VALIDATION you must seek should be from YOU! Everyone else is a side character in your story! 😙😙😙😙😙
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