Bitterness

I noticed one thing (amongst many other things) about myself lately - that I have some sort of bitterness towards this gen relatives, and relatives in general. I started looking for reasons - I mean, why would I feel bitterness towards some random kids who have not done anything wrong to me? The answer was quite straight forward but ridiculous (yes, I know)

Their parents, grandparents, the entire relatives I have got, have judged me left right and center and made my life a hell back in my early adolescence. The clothes I wear (it has always been modest), my ass, my boobs, my facial feature, my friendships, my lifestyle, the pictures I post on social media - every fucking thing had been scrutinised and badmouthed to, which ofcourse reached my parents, so eventhough I gave zero fucks about what others thought and lived my life the way I wanted, I had to be answerable for every fucking thing, which was truly none of anybody's business. I mean, I wasn't doing anything illegal or harmful, so why the fuck do people have a problem? 

And then, I see the same people's kids and grandkids doing every fucking thing I did, and living their life to the fullest, with no scrutiny, I find myself building despise towards them. So bitter I want to tear them all apart. Why did I have to face all the bad things, but these kids have it all easy? 

Which made me remember this one thing a cousin once told me - every family would have a black sheep, who's walk against the crowd, take all the pain and sufferings, but makes it easy for the rest of them. And that I am that person in our family. 

So, may be, I should just change the narrative and be proud of myself that I made life easier for these kids. 

It's a task. To change those distortions, but not undoable. So I might as well do that. 

Rant over. 

Ok bye.