The Anti-Natalist

"Do you believe in ghosts?", the little boy asked his mother. She smiled, and thought for while - do I really believe in the existence of ghosts or paranormal activites? The truth is she did. Despite not believing in the idea of God, she somehow believed that negative energies strong enough to destroy her and her family exists out there. But, no, she cannot share her fears with her little one. With a smile on her face, she replied "no baby. I don't. Because ghosts do not exist." Her eyes said otherwise. 

The boy thought for a while and asked his next: "what scares you the most?" Her reply was instant: "snakes". She wanted to say "humans" but she knew her boy is too small to comprehend what she actually means by that statement. 

Every evening after work, she comes home, freshens up and goes to her little one's study. The babysitter would leave by then. She was adamant, no matter how ridiculous or busy her day was, she would come back home with a smile, to her son, who was eagerly waiting for her. 

The moment he sees her enter, his face brightens up. He can't wait to tell her how his day was in school. He looks forward to this time with her everyday, where he spoke and she listened. He asked and she replied. There were no distractions, no phone calls, no Instagram. Just the two of them. 

She never wanted to be a mother. She believed she was not meant to be one. Her impatience, moodswings and anger issues and the awareness about them made her feel that she might end up giving trauma to a child, and she wanted no one to go through what she did. But all of these changed the moment she saw him. She felt a strong connection with him when she accompanied her friend to the orphanage. And eventually, after much struggle and a few years later, he came home with her. The most joyous occasion in her life till date. 

The innocent smile of his face made her patient. She became someone she never thought she would - a loving, caring mother who would give it all for this little boy. And she decided to be everything she wanted her parents to be - she decided to be present, no matter what. 

And thus began the journey of the anti-natalist's evolution into a mother.