I have never been fond of crowd or parties. I have only been at a part once and I hated that experience. It could be my protective instincts that kept me away from crowd, but that was compromised one evening.
An evening when my favorite people's football team won a local tournament and we headed to celebrate. There were a bunch of men and a couple of us girls. We were having a great time, in an outdoor bar, not a pub, cracking jokes and a lot of alcohol sponsored by the boys. I was unusually very active and talking, because I was happily high. And when the bar was about to close, one of the boys suggested to continue this at a different location, in a bachelor pad shared by 3 siblings and I was the first one to say yes.
We reached the apartment. A cool, posh apartment owned by these brothers. I knew one of the brothers and almost all the other boys in the party, so was very comfortable around. Until I smoked and was about to pass out.
I somehow believed that puking would help you from passing out, even though it has never come handy to me ever. I tried it anyway in the loo, ending up tired instead. I went to one of the boys who live there and asked whether I could lie down for a bit. He said ofcourse and took me to one of the bedrooms. Neat and clean and quite dark. He showed me the king-size bed and asked me whether I wanted the lights on, I said no. He asked me to stay comfortable and he would close the door once he leaves so that I would be comfortable. I agreed and he left. I heard banter from the balcony next to the window and immediately passed out.
I don't know how long I was out, but I suddenly woke up to someone whispering in my ear. I was still very tired, but was slightly better from the whole high and out situation. I could still hear people at the balcony. And then it occured to me that someone was still whispering in my ear "Please turn around". I sensed danger.
I could feel my heartbeat raise. I knew someone else was with me, and the worst, he was cuddling me and panting. The panting made me froze. But eventually I gained some sense and decided to get out of this situation. His voice was familiar. It was the boy who organised the party. Or so I thought A good friend of mine. He has always into hugs and kisses but never once did he make me uncomfortable. Why now? I wondered.
I was thinking of ways to get out when he suddenly asked me "do you want some water?". I hadn't moved an inch until then even though he was literally begging me to turn around. But this question made me relax. I somehow managed to say yes, and he got up to get some water. When he opened the door, the lights from the living room came in and I saw who it was - one of the guys who was quite reserved and spoke little throughout the night.
I didn't wait for him to return. I got out of the bed, rushed to the area where my female friends and roomies were and said I want to go home. They were all sloshed but it was almost time to leave so everyone joined me. They couldn't sense my restlessness and the need to just leave that place. They took their own time to finally book cabs but I was already sitting in one.
I managed to tell my friend after reaching home about what happened. But they were too sloshed to even understand. But I think one of them called up the organisers and told him what happened. No one took it seriously.
I was scarred for life. A few days later, I opened up to a couple of my other close male friends. One of them got really upset and angry. He wanted me to go to the police. Another guy knew the organiser, called him up and told him what happened wasn't cool.
The guy called. He said "hey, are you still sitting on it? Leave it da. He is not this kinda person. He did it because he was drunk and he is sorry. He will call you.". My disappointment hit the roof. Another mutual friend listened patiently and told me "he is a repeated offender. He has done this before as well. I am sorry this happened to you". All of them still continues to be his friend. And they are no longer my friends.
The offenser did call me. Thanks to Truecaller, I saw his name and didn't pick the call. He texted me, I didn't respond at all. He didn't deserve a word from me.
He is happily married now but I am still haunted by what happened. I honestly don't know where all he touched and what all he did, and I despise myself for getting so sloshed. Since I was drunk, it is "my" fault, right? This is the very thing I dreaded all my life. The very thing that kept me away from parties and gatherings. My instincts were right. I was never safe. No woman is safe.
And it was never me. The onus of this whole incident is on the men. The man who touched me, the men who chose to protect him, the men who are still friends with him despite knowing his offenses.
And my friends who stood up for me. I am grateful they were with me. But sometimes I wonder, would they still stand up for a woman, if the offender was one of their own friends? I doubt!
And then, I stopped attending parties, no matter how private they were.