The Good Girl Syndrome

I have been noticing a pattern in my female peers, who were raised with values similar to what my parents tried to impart in me, AKA regressive, patriarchal, misogynistic thoughts - "I don't talk to men, I don't have male friends, I am very soft-spoken, I listen to my parents/husband, I have never had a boyfriend, I have and will never make people say bad things about me, I strongly believe in my God and my religion and caste is superior, I follow their rules and would take the values and morals they have given me to my grave, I don't even let my husband touch me because I believe think sex is divine and only for procreation" yada yada yada. In short, the "perfect" KULASTHREE. I have nothing but sympathy for them, for being slaves of other people's expectations and misogyny, trying hard to please everyone and stay in their good books and together judge everyone who doesn't follow the said values. 

Duh!

If you have read my previous blogs, or you know me personally, you'd know that I am none of all that; in fact, I am exactly opposite of everything mentioned above. So, you could imagine how my neighbors and family see me. 😅 The black sheep, indeed. 

However, over the years, especially after spending quite a lot of my time with a manipulative, people pleaser and moving back home once and for all to live with my parents, where the only social interaction is with the said neighbours and relatives, something in me, has changed. I realise, I have evolved into a people pleaser now, constantly seeking their validation, but not giving up on the perspective I have gained over time, and sharing my views rather subtly and not aggressively, hiding some part of me from public to avoid sceutiny and sometimes agreeing to them even though I don't mean it. I have caught the "good girl syndrome" without even realising it. 😔 And that realisation struck me like a lightning. I have become what I never wanted to be. 

So, I am gonna work on myself, to go back to the rebel self 😅 people won't be pleased but since the benchmark is low (they hated me, well, still hate me, for being opinionated once upon a time) so I think I can go back to that without disrupting my peace. Because, I don't need any of their validation. 

Wish me luck.