Do Parents Owe Their Wealth to Children?

Now, the other side of the story. 

Yes, parents bring life to the world for reasons that suit them. And they are responsible for nurturing their children. They should also leave their children to fend for themselves once they become adults. Like how the West do. 

Now, the problematic side of children is that, as much as they know that they owe parents nothing, why in the world do they expect parents to give all their wealth to them? And also take care of their offsprings! Really?

Parents work hard to give you the best of everything. And once you become adults, your life's trajectory is and should be your call. Which also means, you have no rights (I am not talking about legal aspects here, but solely moral) on their savings or properties. It's their call on how they use it. 

Ideally, each parent should make use of their wealth for their own benefits - which includes post retirement leisure, healthcare and so much more. If children want a comfortable life, they should be working hard, for themselves! 

And the second part, if you want to procreate, find means to take care of that responsibility. Because, certainly it's not your parents' retirement plan! They can choose to contribute, but you cannot force, threaten or manipulate them into being free babysitters. 

All we should expect from each other is love and respect. Nothing else. 

Ok bye. 

Do Children Owe Anything to Their Parents?

I don't know if it's just an Indian thing or a global issue, but kids are often manipulated into believing that we owe our parents quite a lot, we should always be grateful to them and take care of them during their old-age, because they have sacrificed their life for us. If you are someone who believes this to be true, and are planning to or have already procreated with the idea that your kids are your old-age plan, I have something to say. No. They are not. Your children owe you nothing. Let me break it down to you. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I am currently a stay-at-home daughter, taking care of my parents who are in their early 70's. I am doing it very happily and voluntarily. My parents haven't really manipulated or gaslit me into doing this. However, I felt that this conversation is important. For the sanity of the people of my generation and the ones who are to follow. 

So, couples decide to procreate - it could be for various reasons, I don't want to get into that. Now, did the sperm cells or eggs asked you to give them an opportunity to fertilize? No. It was your call. You decided to bring a life into the world. Now, that life is certainly your responsibility. You have to give them all the essentials to survive and sustain. Otherwise, you shouldn't have given birth to them in the first place. 

You nurture them into beautiful, healthy, educated humanbeings. Your "sacrifices" are part and parcel of this journey. Because, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE. And then, they grow up. Ofcourse, that journey would have been extremely hectic and tiring. But, let me remind you again, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE. 

Now, they are adults, capable enough to take care of themselves. This is were it gets tricky. At this point, you want them to pay back. You want them to provide for you, take care of you, so on and so forth. And why do you think it's fair? Why are they compelled to do that? Why can't you just let them be? If they want to voluntarily take that responsibility because they love you and THEY want to pay it back to you, that's a different thing altogether. But you and the rest of the world demanding it is the most ridiculous and selfish thing ever!

And the worst of it all is to give children traumatic childhood experiences that sometimes even years of therapy sessions couldn't heal, and then expect them to be your oldage plan? Really? Like duh! 

So, if you want to procreate because you want to bring a life into to this world, and nurture it, it's great. Do that. But, if your plan is to have someone to look after you when you are old, you could always save all that money up and use it to a nice, comfortable old-age care. That's how it should be. Because, YOUR CHILDREN OWE YOU NOTHING. 

Forever A Beach Person

I don't exactly remember when it started, I neither remember going to the beach often during my childhood, but I do identify myself as a beach person. That could also be because I have never really been to the hills or mountains or forests 🫠 

Waters really calm me down. It doesn't necessarily have to be the vast, blue sea. Lakes, ponds..  you name it! And I feel grateful to be in a city which has multiple lakes and beaches, and even a small island. I also wanted to live near a water body, until the floods in Kerala made me realise it's not really a good idea. Fortunately, I have had that experience once, eventhough for just a couple of months, but I am just glad I could live that dream. 

I used to have a point in life where I'd get high just being at the beach. Not kidding, it has happened not once or twice but multiple times. Nothing else has given me that 'happy high' ever in life, and sadly I have lost that all, thanks to adulting. 

I am trying to reconcile with my happy self altogether, and also use some of the experiences from the bitch phase to protect myself from toxicity, and above all, get that happy high, all over again, with just being at the beach. 

And for that, I realised, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY BE AT THE BEACH! DUH! 

So yeah.  I am just trying to get that high back, and here's from my beach visit last week. 

Insensitive Friends

Have you ever hard insensitive friends? Then, you maybe able to relate to this. 

They aren't always insensitive. They are mostly "sarcastic" and "brutally honest". Without understanding how deep their insensitivity is affecting you. The worst is, even you feel they are right. Because you always have been insecure about yourself; you were never enough. And their comments are reaffirming these. Making you believe that you are the worst person the planet has ever borne. 

Do you know what the worst part is though? You still love them. You try to be sarcastic and brutally honest, because you think that's how people should be. You ignore the fact that it has affected you and it could affect others too. Or maybe, you have always been an insensitive person yourself, and their influence is only making you a bigger AH than you ever were. 

It becomes your norm. Until you learn about kindness. Until you meet people who are kind and humble and do not shove their insecurity onto others in the name of sarcasm. 

And then you realise this is what you ought to be; this is what you have to strive for - a kind person. And this is what the whole wide world deserves - nothing but kindness. You understand how toxic this whole brutally honest nonsense had been, and also learn that you can still be honest, without being hurtful. You learn to accept people as they are and just let them be. 

And that's when you realise you can live without these insensitive people who have been nothing but bad influence. They might have been great in other areas, but kindness takes you a long way, and this person just doesn't get it, so you could live without them. 

You choose peace and happiness over their disappointment and chaos they have been shoving into your face. You are better now, and you'd finally start loving yourself, a little bit each day. 

കാവ് (kaavu)

 Have you ever been to a Kaavu? The sacred groves?

I admit, I have zero knowledge about the religious aspects of the beliefs behind maintaining a kaavu in the ancient malayalee culture. I don't know if it's a thing owned by the upper caste malayalee to show their dominance, like every other deity in the state back in the day. All I understand is that it was a space created by humans to let other creatures co-exist. Specifically, snakes, because most cultures here tend to have myths associated with snake worship. 

Anyway, the image I have of a kaavu is what I imagined from classic malayalam novels and movies. A splendid green forest adjacent to human inhabitance, where beauty and spirituality collide. 

This was the image I had when my family mentioned the "kudumba kaavu" - the one created by my paternal ancestors. I don't even have the slightest memory of my first visit to the kaavu as I always dread snakes and the only thing I had or still have in my mind is coming face to face with a fiery snake. Oh, I am ophidiophobic, so I hope that explains. 

From the image I have of the kaavu right now, it isn't definitely what I thought it would be. I mean, there is no vast land, not too much greenery or inhabitance, except for this one or two huge trees. Hmmmm. 

The kaavu has been renovated recently, making it more human-friendly, and I have been going (forced to) offlate to attend the yearly  aayilya pooja. When everyone around is enchanted by the holy atmosphere, I think I am the only one who is restless - even the movement of a little leaf would make me jerk, I think you can imagine why. 

Even though I am not a religious person, nor does the kaavu provide the typical kaavu atmosphere, sans the fear that creeps in every now and then, kaavu gives me some sort of peace. 

When I look up, I see the huge tree canopy, and it makes me feel I am safe. There is an eerily peaceful atmosphere that exists, which, to be very honest, I can't remember I have experienced in any other Hindu religious sanctum. 

Eventhough I want to visit the kaavu more often, to sit in silence, and breateh in everything it offers, I have never been able to gain the courage to go sit there, leaving the paranoia behind me. I hope someday I'd be able to achieve it.