Setting Boundaries

Growing up, among many other things, I have always fumbled in identifying and setting boundaries. I wouldn't accept a NO, even for trivial things, instead I'd go all defensive and 'rebellious'. These aren't about things that require consent, but things like parents saying no to watching TV or some snack. 

These constant NOs eventually made me feel that nobody understands me or is really there for me, so I chose to be the all-giving, always available person for others. You know, the "be the love you never received" in the wrong context. I'd go out of my way for people I love and care, or those whose attention I craved for. I thought being that "giver" would make me "wanted". It took me 35 years to understand that this is actually toxic and I am not helping myself in anyway, and only doing much harm to my holistic growth.  

So now, even without much effort, I have set boundaries. Interestingly, this has happened after realising that I have nobody to rely on but myself, thanks to some disheartening incidents. Today, I am my priority, eventhough I sometimes feel I am overdoing it. Earlier, I would actually sit and spend time on who to follow up 😅 but now, it skips my mind eventhough someone needs attention. Because, my entire focus is on my routine, and setting my life right. 

But, that doesn't mean I am unavailable for people. I am, but I am not constantly following up, but show up when required. I am slowly realising that this is also not exactly the way to go about, but I am hoping, eventually I will find a balance in maintaining my life along with being available for people that value me. 

Well, yes, only for people who value me. Noone else.