When Peer Pressure Makes You Feel Like A Failure

For the most part of my life, I was least bothered about what people think, or how I should be, to appease the society. I didn't bother about my looks, or the way I dressed - I used to have a very limited wardrobe and repeating clothes was least of my concerns. I have even worn slightly torn, shabby clothes and have even looked like a beggar, but it didn't matter to me. All that mattered was my happiness. Until I entered the mighty 30s and social media subconsciously made me compare my worth with others' achievements. 

I started working when I was 22, right after college. It was a content writer job, with decent pay and I was happy. I stuck to that career, through freelancing, even when I did random jobs. I never had any career goal or finance goal, and I think I was also surrounded by people who were equally struggling like me. So it didn't even matter. I was enjoying my life and that's all that I wanted. 

But today, all those who struggled with me are doing well in life. All my friends are well settled, earning in millions, if not billions... And here I am, still that struggler. When they talk about their achievements - both materialistic and otherwise, I feel left out. Like the odd, rotten apple. I feel terrible. I question my decisions and choices in the past. I have started becoming conscious of things, and feel like a failure. 

I admit, I am sometime jealous of people, and feel inferior, which might have contributed to me choosing to be a full-blown homebody. But I am not necessarily bitter. I am only bitter towards people I don't like :D

Anyway, I spoke to my mom about how I feel like a failure. And she gave me all the validation I wasn't even looking for. She mentioned that I was financially independent, ignoring the obvious privileges. But, I can't tell you how relieved I am. I think that's all I wanted, even though unexpected - the validation, that I am not a failure, afterall. 

So, I guess, it's time to change the narrative. And look at myself differently. The truth is, despite these thoughts, I am, in general, extremely happy and peaceful in life. So, may be, I should focus on just that - the good things, the achievements, the positives. 

So yeah. That's that.