Hierarchy or Disrespect?

 Today, randomly, I thought of this small incident that happened more than a decade ago. 

I'd have been 22, when I had a brief stint at an event management company in Kerala. For one of the events, they had to do some purchases, for which the manager took me along with her to Mumbai. While we were at the market, purchasing things for the event, she also stopped by a small clothing store, from where she bought this beautiful, ivory coloured salwar material. I loved it too, so after she made the purchase, I asked the shopkeeper to give me a few meters too. Suddenly, she interrupted and asked me to buy something else, saying something like "I am the manager. I don't want you to wear the same dress as me". I obviously felt bad, but since I was naive and timid, I went ahead and bought something similar.

Today, when I look back, I feel that I should have protested. What's with this hierarchy? 

But,when I think about it deeply, well, I am guilty of it too...

Because, in my career, I have donned many roles, including that of the top-person in the company, which made me feel I was superior and everyone should listen to me. I have had this reservations towards people and got really offended when I felt even the slightest of discomfort, which I considered as disrespect? Well, these were in a non-hierarchial set-up, so I feel I was wrong too!

Even today, in the work-front, I sometimes end up judging people - while I want seniors to treat me like an equal, I expect juniors (be it age or experience) to respect me. The previous incident that I mentioned makes me retrospect the whole thing. If my manager was wrong, I am wrong too!

I think it has got more to do with the conditioning where you feel superior in a certain way. I am going to try get this superiority feeling off my system, that will be my next task.

Ok then, see you around! 

Have you ever experienced solitude?

 "Why are you unmarried?"

I have come across this question often in my life, even though it has reduced a lot, thanks to the 'she is way too old, she is out of market' nuance. Some have been very intrusive like "Don't you have feelings"? "Love failure"? and assuming that I was in love with my dead cousin BROTHER (the weirdest shit I ever heard) so on and so forth. 

Even though one of the main reasons for not getting married is because I never came across anyone worth living with, but there's another strong reason behind it.

Have you ever experienced solitude? Do you know how addictive it is? 

Yes, I have always been a people's person. I mean, not exactly the social butterfly types but I always wanted someone to talk to. But that eventually changed, thanks to some terrible choices of friends and certain unbearable life experiences. Which made me embrace solitude. 

It gives you your space. You can be whoever you are and will never be judged. You can have umpteen thoughts, zone out and do whatever you want, and you will not be disturbed. It's magical, you have to experience it atleast once. 

And honestly, I enjoy this freedom and solitude a lot, a cannot imagine having an intrusion. My parents are cool that way, they are conservative and all that, but they never intrude. And I wish to have that silence forever, is that asking too much?

Yeah, I would love to have a companion and all that, but marriage... no.... I don't think I can handle that.

I love my space and my solitude, I hope someday I come across a man who is in the same realm, we date and we stay in our own spaces, life unaltered :D 

Frangipani Love

 I don't know how and when I started getting attracted to Frangipanis.

My first memory of seeing, and smelling a frangipani was when I was 6 or 7. Our newly-built home, which was away from everything I had loved and experienced until then, had a spacious garden. My parents were never plant people, but they wanted the surroundings to look aesthetically pleasing, they planted a lot of flowering shrubs and trees around the house. One of them was this magenta frangipani. I loved the pleasant smell of it, I would pick one from the floor or pluck something that's reachable and play with it. It was my favorite plant in that entire garden. 

Years went by, and new construction happened in the building, and to accomodate a new flight of steps outside the building, my father got the frangipani tree cut down. I was deeply hurt. I had this close connection with this tree, and I felt like I lost a part of me. I used to talk to this tree every now and then, as if its a friend, and that's what I lost - a friend, from an otherwise lonely, terrible life.

From then, every time I come across a frangipani tree, I would pause and enjoy its beauty. I have moved on from the magenta one, the ivory frangipani version is my current favorite. 

I love flowers of all kinds, but frangipani would definitely remain on top of that list. I once had this idea of starting a clothing brand, and while my friends and I were trying to find a name for it, my first choice was 'Frangipani'. Unfortunately, I got to know that there's already a brand by that name and I let that feeling sink in. 

Someday, if I ever get married, even though that day would never come, I would want a very intimate wedding. And I know which garland the bride and groom would be wearing - the one made with lovely frangipanis. That's certain.