Perspective Shift

 Okay, for one, I am really bad with titles and headings so kindly ignore.

The sky was cloudy. I thought I'll take a rickshaw anyway, even though it means shelling out some money. I stepped into the auto and as usual, the muscle memory, made me take my phone out and scroll through. Thanks to my migraine or motion sickness, whoever needs the credit, please take it... made me realize scrolling through the drive means splitting headache and everything else thar follows, so I gently pushed the phone into my bag, and looked around. 

The weather was pleasant (for me, I prefer cold over heat) and suddenly it started drizzling. Drizzle transformed into a thunderstorm and somehow that brightened my mood. I was taking my usual route, but after a very very long time, I cut off the inner chitter chatter and looked around. Rain occasionally sprayed on my face, thanks to the wind, and it felt heavenly.

A boy and a girl, smiling at each other, walking to the bus-stop under an umbrella, the boy's arms where around her shoulders - what a pleasant scene to witness. They might be a couple or just friends, but I wanted it to be the former and manifested a beautiful life ahead for them. 

A lady in a blue salwar suit, walking swiftly towards another bus stop. I hope she doesn't miss her bus.

Another couple... or friends... waiting under a building with a couple of other people, tension built up in the girl's face, it was certain all she wanted was the rain to subside. 

A beautiful Victorian building, serving as a government office now, beautifully drenched in rain. 

A swarm of vehicles waiting to reach their destination.

And a lot more. 

There would have been various emotions in this single ride, where mine was nothing but pleasant.

I realized, i have stopped observing the world like I used to do. It was either rushing from one destination to another, or a plight of thoughts covering my mind. And after long, when I looked around, I felt, the world is indeed beautiful. And maybe, I am missing out on a lot by embracing stress instead. 

It's Their World and I'm Just Living in it!

 All through my life, I thought, like everyone else, that I'm the main character, and that's where the conflicts in my life begun. It took me 35+ years to realize the most important reality of my life - It's everyone else's world and I'm just living in it! 

I've never been anybody's Numero Uno! My best friends from all the schools I have studied in had other best friends. My best friends in my adult-life also had other best friends. My parents had a favorite child and that wasn't me. (Ironically, my sibling thinks I was my parents' favorite, LOL) The first boy I got into a relationship with, had many girlfriends 🤣🤣🤣 All the boys I fell for and rejected my love have friendzoned me because they had solid relationships going on in the background, but all of them refused to share it with me, leaving me expecting them to reciprocate someday. I was kept in the dark. I have been a third wheel since time immemorial for all my girl friends. All the workplaces I have been it, no matter how hard I worked, and gave the best, felt I could have contributed further more. I was never enough. I never was. And I struggled, in all of these scenarios, to be the Number 1 choice. Through subtle manipulation to emotional blackmailing - I tried it all! (None of that was intentional) Because, how come I not be the Number 1 in a world where I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER?

And then, I slowly started hitting me that maybe I am not the main character. And I accepted it, and put myself in the sideline and accepted it as my fate - to survive in their world as a side character. To be honest, I easily gelled into the whole situation. Yes, it was super easy. Expectations drastically came down and I was also ready to take the bullets for all the main characters, because that's what the side ones do, right? 

This acceptance kind of started changing something in my life altogether. I started getting attention which I stopped seeking for. A few people started calling me their best friend, (I didn't even think I was important to them), I have more true, caring and understanding friends than I ever did, the boy I had a crush on said he has a crush on me ( fleeting moment, and he refused to accept it later, but I take it), some random guy called me beautiful (LOL),  someone called me I am the elder sister she never had and look up to me, my parents started appreciating everything I do for them, people volunteered to listen to my rants, even random toddlers smile at me and wanted to spend time with me (That's new! I have only intimidated them until then), my employers said they like me and my work... I mean, all of it started changing, out of the blue, and I think that's because I left the main character energy into the oblivion. 

But the problem is, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE! I ended up thinking people are just bluffing, or doing it for the social media, or are being manipulative... When there are more than two people in a room including me, and there is a talk on SHE/HER pointing at me, I have, more than once, been shaken and surprised because "how come they noticed me? Am I not invisible?" And guess what! I end up intimidating all of them, shooing them away, mistrusting them, and believing that all of these are temporary. I mean how come people appreciate me, I am not the main character of this story!

But now, I think it's about time, I accept that I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER OF MY STORY AND I AM ALSO LIVING IN OTHER PEOPLE'S WORLDS WHERE THEY ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS. That's the reality of it all, ain't it? Maybe I should just start accepting the love that's been poured my way instead of rejecting it saying I don't deserve it. I deserve everything good that's coming my way, and learn to embrace it. It could be temporary, but enjoy it while it lasts! 

And I am writing this not just to validate myself and my feelings, and all the validation that's coming my way, and be grateful about it, but also to tell YOU that stop thinking like I did. You are important, and you are loved and seen too. YOU ARE VALID! And most importantly, the ONLY VALIDATION you must seek should be from YOU! Everyone else is a side character in your story! 😙😙😙😙😙