The day I decided to try my luck all over again in writing and relocate to Cochin, a friend of mine used this "New girl in the city" relating me to Aisha and himself to Sid! (Wake up Sid) LOL... though i found it funny, I smiled at him for the excitement i had cannot be explained. And then, here i'm with all my dreams n hopes wrapped up all over again to start over new.
The city, is not new to me, nor am I to it. But then, it was indeed joyful that I'm finally back to the place where I longed to be. But fate had something else in store! All those misfortunes that happened right away I landed did shock me, and am yet to get over them.
Now, when I look back, the dreams i had - a better life, an awesome workplace, patching up with all of them n clear all the misunderstandings and finally achieving what I always wanted.... everything had fallen apart.... Instead a lost a bit more of what I actually had. took a while to accept what the reality is, but then, when I look at me right now, i find a changed person - someone's who's bold, brave and ready to face anything with noone's help, living alone, eating alone, walking alone, and sometimes laughing alone. Was tough in the beginning but now, all is well :)
Its all about accepting the reality than living in the virtual world , which I did, finally! You dont have a friend, unless you please them every now n then, you dont have love unless you adjust with whatever they say and you dont have a life unless you are up to stand on your own feet !! That's definitely some piece of information, wasnt it? ;)
Now, when i walk alone,all alone on evenings at random time, may b early, may be a bit too late - with my backpack on my shoulders that's been hurting me since i dunno when, and my earphones on playing party songs sometimes, romantic music sometimes, blues sometimes and dappankoothu sometimes, without caring about my mood or what I'm going through and eventually music remains as music and not a mood changer - walking all the way through those streets and lanes which i used to cross years ago with hope in my eyes... those streets mean nothing to my right now, and i can feel myself stepping on the broken pieces of my shattered dreams, still i dont feel a thing!
That feeling of left alone of deserted has left me way back, coz now i know, not just me, all are always alone and the biggest lie ever is "I'll be there, forever" .. am over it, too! And in short, this life, lonely life as you can call it ,which i would mention as solitude - for solitude and loneliness are two different terms of which former is what we choose and the latter what others impose on us... I'm loving this, from being somenoe who used to depend on peopel for everything, who feared the world for nothing, who was never cofident of herself, who couldnt handle her life on her own... to someone who could live her life all alone, live it the way she wants with no one to interfere, not fearing anyone. and being herself..! WHOA!!
And unlike Aisha, i haven't gotten any Sid yet, but still happy :) Life never is like cinema, it's different and unexpected. take it or leave it - upto the one who lives it. i dont have a plan to leave it until someone steals it from me. I'll live it, the way i want it... and i know that would never make my parents bow their head in shame, instead hold their heads up with pride!
PS: When i started this particular post a month's back, never did i have a clue that it would end up like this. Chalo, another good-for-nothing post on the blog :)
